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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that competitive sports should be part of the school curriculum. Others think competitions do harm to children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many nowadays think that athletic
competitions
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 should be a part of school
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activities
Punctuation problem
activities,
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while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue that sporting events bring back negative effects for their
children
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. I believe the
competitions
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 should be a part of school
educative
Replace the word
educational
 events. On the one hand, athletic
competitions
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 provide
students
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 with many soft
skills
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or
Correct word choice
and
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 vital
skills
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. By joining or participating in support events, they can learn teamwork and discipline.
Besides
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,
children
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 may develop leadership or communication
skills
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;
this
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 helps them make friends more easily. Not only that,
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competitions
Correct word choice
but competitions
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also
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 help
children
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 stay healthy and have a better body because of regular physical
activities
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.
In addition
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,
children
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 who play
sports
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 a lot can help
don't get
Verb problem
reduce
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 stress too often as they get to exercise and move around with their friends. These benefits not only contribute to academic success but
also
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 to lifelong development.
On the other hand
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, competitive
sports
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 may cause a lot of injuries
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is harmful to
students
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.
This
Linking Words
 makes their parents worry about their kids.
Furthermore
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,
students
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 who are not very good at
sports
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 may be left out when they join, which makes them feel bad. Not only that, the time for competitive
sports
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 may take away their other crucial
activities
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as
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, as
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 they don't have time to do
it
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them
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 because of regular training.
In addition
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 to that, athletic
competitions
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 may lead to arguing or fighting because both teams are too focused on winning
and
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, and
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this
Linking Words
 is dangerous to
students
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. So, in conclusion, competitive
sports
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 are necessary
activities
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 as
this
Linking Words
 helps
children
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 to improve their health and
skills
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,
also
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
let
Verb problem
help
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children
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 to
get less
Verb problem
reduce
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 stress and make friends easily. But schools should not force the youth to play and try to avoid dangers that bring back negative effects. Parents and teachers should make competitive
sports
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 safer for them.

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task response
Score: 6. To reach 7, explain your main points more fully. For example, say how team work in sport can help children in class or later at work.
task response
Give one short, real example for an idea. For example: “A shy child may make friends when playing on a school team.” This makes your points stronger.
task response
Your view is clear, but make it more exact. Say that schools should offer safe sport for all children, not only for the best players.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Some ideas repeat, especially “Not only that” and “In addition to that”. Use fewer linking words, and make each new sentence add a new point.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. In the first body part, group health ideas together and social skills ideas together. This will make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. For example, change “children who play sports a lot can help don't get stress” to “Children who play sport can feel less stress.”
coherence and cohesion
In the last part, do not add too many new ideas. End by restating your view and one key way to make sport safe.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your main idea is clear: sport should be part of school life.
task response
You give good points for sport, such as health, team work, less stress, and making friends. You also give clear bad points, such as harm, being left out, less time, and fights.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. The order is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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