IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the Internet in order to meet friends which can cause potentially dangerous situations. What solutions do you suggest?

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It has been universally accepted that
Use synonyms
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
 of online
fraud
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 is escalating at an alarming rate.
Due to
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development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of social media, many youngsters get access to unknown web
application
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applications
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 in order to meet friends
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 that can be a primary hazardous scenario. There are a range of possible
solution
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 of it
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some of them I will discuss in
upcoming
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the upcoming
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 paragraph. Examining the fact of online
fraud
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 activities going on, youngsters are an easy trap for anyone. They can be convinced without any trouble. So the possible
solution
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 is that there should be campaigns and debates regarding
this
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 topic.
Public
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The public
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/community should spread more awareness
in
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on
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 college
campus
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campuses
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 or
school
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schools
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. If adolescents do not know about potential threats of engaging with others online, they take precautions
doing
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when doing
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 so.
For instance
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, it has been seen in many nations
there
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that there
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 is
decrement
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a decrease
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 in online
fraud
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 because of public awareness created by campaigns and debates in public.
Although
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,
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apply
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 the matter of fact is, many young ones neglected
a
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by a
show examples
lot of online
fraud
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 campaigns. They
still
Verb problem
are still
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 able to get on applications without any necessary
checks
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 and restrictions. So
my
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apply
show examples
another
solution
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 to
this
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problem
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 is
,
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that
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such
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 apps
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are used by youth in order to greet friends
—
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,
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 those apps should have
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
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 background check of each user.
Due to
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Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
this,
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 any scammer can get caught in case of any dangerous situations. And they cannot easily bypass the strict background
checks
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 implemented by
government
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the government
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.
For example
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,
now a days
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 many companies and web applications use strict
checks
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 on
user's
Check wording
users'
show examples
 provided details and
due to
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 that scammers’ threats have been reduced. Conclusion: In conclusion, online
fraud
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 has become a global
problem
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 for everyone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 youngsters are a major part of it.
However
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, every
problem
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 has a
solution
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, so for
this
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 one is to
make
Correct word order
raise public awareness about fraud activities
show examples
fraud
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 activities public awareness among youth.
Also
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, with
that
Add a comma
that,
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 there should be strict
checks
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 on
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a person
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person
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person's
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 background in
such
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 webpages.

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task response
Score: 5. Your ideas answer the question, but you focus mainly on online fraud. The question is wider: young people may meet unsafe people, share private facts, or go to unsafe places. Write about these dangers too.
task response
Make each answer more exact. For example, parents can set time limits, schools can teach safe use, and apps can ask for age checks and let users report bad people.
task response
Your examples are too general. Give one clear example: a school talk can teach children not to share their home, phone number, or photos with people they do not know.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The main order is clear, but some sentences are hard to follow. Keep one main idea in each sentence and use shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “Although” starts a contrast, but the next idea does not clearly contrast with the first one. You can write: “However, some young people do not listen to these talks.”
coherence and cohesion
Do not add a separate “Conclusion:” line. Start the last paragraph with “In conclusion,” and then give a short summary of your two answers.
task response
You give two clear answers: teach young people about danger online, and make apps check users more carefully.
task response
You use examples after both main ideas. This helps show what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This is a clear essay form.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For instance”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsupervised access
  • potentially dangerous
  • educational programs
  • online safety
  • awareness
  • cyberbullying
  • scams
  • parental control tools
  • dialogues
  • privacy and security settings
  • digital literacy
  • trends
  • restrict
  • block
  • inappropriate content
  • screen time
  • verification processes
  • youth-friendly
  • reporting system
  • abuse
  • harassment
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