IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened to get more resources? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that whether unspoiled regions
should
Verb problem
apply
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of the Earth should be opened for resource extraction because international demand for energy is surging.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly disagrees with
this
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 statement because exploiting pristine habitats
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 irreparable damage to our ecosystems and pushes
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global warming to its peak. Unexplored regions of the planet should not be used for increasing demand in fossil fuels because it will cause ecological degradation on a global scale. The reason is the fact that in order to get to those resources, pristine nature around the resource extraction area has to be completely wiped out, creating a convenient environment for workers to install their equipment for exploitation.
As a result
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, many rare habitats
get
Verb problem
are
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 destroyed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it drives endangered species to extinction.
For example
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, despite the resistance of many individuals,
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
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 of roads, pipelines and drilling platforms devastatingly fragmented the rainforest
also
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 known as “Yasuni National Park”, which is one of the Earth’s untouched areas, causing severe damage to wildlife. Another reason why virgin territories should remain untouched is the fact that it
surges
Verb problem
raises
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 the global
temperature
Use synonyms
 to its
highs
Replace the word
highest
. The main reason is that it causes the climate to change dramatically by releasing a massive amount of carbon stored in soil and forests, making them unable to absorb more carbon dioxide from
air
Correct article usage
the air
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 to reduce the
temperature
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 accelerates the global
temperature
Use synonyms
rises
Check wording
rise
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 and causes extreme weather conditions.
For instance
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, the
temperature
Use synonyms
 in the mega cities are much higher compared to
countrysides
Correct your spelling
rural areas
 because rural areas have more natural landscapes than urban areas, causing
a
Correct article usage
the
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temperature
Use synonyms
 to be much lower in comparison. In conclusion, despite the growing consumption of fossil fuels, virgin territories must remain protected, as exploiting
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 delicate environments inflicts irreversible damage and severely accelerates global climate change.

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task response
Overall score: 7. Your answer is clear and complete, but some support is not fully strong. Explain more clearly why new oil and gas areas are not needed. You could also say that clean energy can meet future needs.
task response
Your first example is useful, but it needs more care. The sentence about Yasuni National Park is long and hard to check. Give one clear fact and then explain how it proves your point.
task response
Your second example does not directly prove that opening new oil and gas areas raises world heat. It compares cities and rural areas, not oil and gas work. Use an example about cutting forests, drilling, or burning fossil fuels instead.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, which is good. However, some sentences are too long. Split them into two or three short sentences so the link between cause and result is clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: “First, oil and gas work in new areas can destroy nature.” Then explain the reason and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
There are a few word and grammar errors that make the flow less clear: “unspoiled regions should of the Earth” should be “unspoiled regions of the Earth”; “exploiting pristine habitats cause” should be “causes”; and “this delicate environments” should be “these delicate environments.”
task response
You give a clear opinion: you strongly disagree. You keep this view from the start to the end.
task response
You give two main reasons: harm to nature and climate change. Both are linked to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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