IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

To day, many people use the internet and smartphones to trasnfer money to friends, family, and business. Is this a positive or negative development ?

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Nowadays,many
people
Use synonyms
 use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online and
mobiles
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mobile devices
show examples
 to transfer
money
Use synonyms
 to friends,relatives and businesses.In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is
largerly
Correct your spelling
largely
 a
postive
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positive
 development because it makes financial
Use synonyms
transcations
Correct your spelling
transactions
 faster and more convenient ,
although
Linking Words
 there are some risks related to security One major advantage of digital payments is their speed of transfer and
convenenice
Correct your spelling
convenience
.
people
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 no longer
to
Verb problem
need to
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 visit a bank to send
money
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 or carry cash,as they can send
money
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 anytime from anywhere by using moblie network,
this
Linking Words
 is especially useful during emergencies when family members need financial assistance immediately.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,digital payments save time and often cost less than traditional banking methods. Another significant benefit is the positive impact on local businesses.
online
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Online
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 payments allow
customes
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customers
 to purchase goods and services quickly
Punctuation problem
,
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which directly improves sales
as well as
Linking Words
 customer satisfaction.particularly it benefits
to
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apply
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small
business
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businesses
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; the reason is no need to spend more
money
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 on payment methods.
As a result
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,digital
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transcations
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transactions
 contribute to economic growth and encourage cashless societies.
However
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,there are some disadvantages.Cybercrime has become more common and
people
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 may
loss
Replace the word
lose
money
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 in
lot
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a lot
show examples
 of online scams and
hackings
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hacking
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.Sometimes ,
due to
Linking Words
 poor network connection,
the
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apply
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people
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 may face
struggle
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struggles
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 during
transcation
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transactions
.
Linking Words
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
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 these can be
sort
Wrong verb form
sorted
show examples
 out by strong passwords and
improvement
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improvements
show examples
 in security. In conclusion ,
although
Linking Words
 online
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transcations
Correct your spelling
transactions
 involve certain security risks.
i
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I
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 believe the benefits
outweight the
Verb problem
outweigh
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 the drawbacks
.they
Punctuation problem
. They
show examples
 provide a faster, easier, and more
effecient
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efficient
 way to manage financial
Use synonyms
transcations
Correct your spelling
transactions
 for both individuals and small businesses

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task response
Overall score: 6. Your answer is clear and has enough ideas, but some points need more full support. For example, explain how lower payment costs help a small business, with one short real example.
task response
Keep your main view clear in every part. The last body part has many ideas in a short space: scams, hacking, bad network, passwords, and security. Choose one or two and explain them more fully.
task response
Use more exact examples. For instance: a son can send money to his mother at once when she needs to pay for a doctor. This makes your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each paragraph. Paragraph 2 is about people; paragraph 3 should be only about business, then put risks in a new paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Do not join many full ideas with only commas. Use full stops or clear linking words. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not natural, such as “particularly it benefits to small business; the reason is...”. Write more simply: “This is also good for small businesses because they do not need costly payment tools.”
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is good, but make it fully clear: say again that the good points are greater than the bad points, and name the two main good points: speed and ease.
task response
You give a clear view: this is a positive change. You also discuss both good points and risks.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: speed, ease, help in an emergency, and support for small business.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Furthermore”, “As a result”, “However”, and “Nevertheless” to show the flow of ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant money transfer
  • digital payment
  • mobile banking app
  • online transaction
  • send money remotely
  • financial convenience
  • cashless society
  • bank account
  • small business owner
  • pay bills online
  • clear payment record
  • internet connection
  • personal information
  • strong password
  • two-factor authentication
  • online fraud
  • financial scam
  • identity theft
  • data security
  • reliable access
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