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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that universities should focus more on providing students with skills for the job market. Others believe that the true role of higher education is to provide knowledge for its own sake regardless of its usefulness to employers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays,
universities
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 play a crucial role in helping
students
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 gain
knowledge
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 and develop the skills needed for the job market. A number of individuals believe that higher education institutions should help
students
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 more with workplace readiness ,
while
Linking Words
 others think education is more than getting a job ,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
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I stand with the second statement because
knowledge
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 encourages innovations and critical thinking.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, allowing academic institutions to concentrate mainly on workplace readiness can help people to find a job after graduation easily within a short period.
That is
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 to say that
students
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 will just focus on specific skills
,
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apply
show examples
which firms require from them.
For example
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, many oil companies
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such
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, such
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 as
MB
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MB,
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 require practical experience and vocational training , which
universities
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 should provide for their
students
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.
Moreover
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, when
students
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 have a clear focus on their future careers, they are more likely to improve their academic performance and achieve better results.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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 , many other people believe that
universities
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 should
also
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 focus on improving
knowledge
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 with pupils. Vast
knowledge
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 can help
students
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 to build critical thinking skills.
Furthermore
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 ,
knowledge
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 encourages
students
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 to think clearly , and
also
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 generates impressive ideas in several spects in their lives.
For instance
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 ,
students
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 who studied various subjects at
universities
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 tend to be more successful in their lives , because they gained more experience during their studies
Conclusion
In conclusion , I believe higher education institutions should primarily prepare
students
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 for employment and avoid useless information , but they should
also
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 provide academic kowledage both of which are essential for long-term success.

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Task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, but your opinion changes. In the start, you say knowledge is more important. In the end, you say jobs should come first. Choose one clear view and keep it in every part.
Task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how job skills help students and employers. Then explain how learning for its own sake can help people and society. Add one clear, real example for each side.
Task response
Your example about oil firms is useful, but “MB” is not clear. Say what the company is, or use a more general example.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, first view, second view, and end. This is good. However, the last paragraph does not match the view in the first paragraph.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “However” in the first paragraph joins two full ideas, but the sentence is too long. Make it two sentences. Also, use “On the other hand” without a space before the comma.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the main point of each body paragraph clearer in its first sentence. Then give an explanation and an example that directly support that point.
Task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show both views and give an opinion.
Task response
Your ideas are relevant, especially job skills, practical training, critical thinking, and new ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a clear order and are easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking phrases such as “On the one hand,” “Moreover,” “Furthermore,” and “In conclusion.”
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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