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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that universities should focus more on providing students with skills for the job market. Others believe that the true role of higher education is to provide knowledge for its own sake regardless of its usefulness to employers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays,
universities
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 play a crucial role in helping
students
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 gain
knowledge
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 and develop the skills needed for the job market. A number of individuals believe that higher education institutions should help
studens
Correct your spelling
students
 more with workplace readiness ,
while
Linking Words
 others think education is more than getting a job ,
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however
Correct word choice
apply
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I stand with the second statement
becaue
Correct your spelling
because
knowledge
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ecourages
Correct your spelling
encourages
 innovations and critical thinking. On the one hand, allowing academic institutions to concentrate
manily
Correct your spelling
mainly
 on workplace readiness can help
puipls
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people
 to find
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 after
graduate
Replace the word
graduation
 easily within a short period.
That is
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 to say that
students
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 will just focus on specific skills , which firms
requries
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require
 from them. For
examples
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example
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, many oil
campanies
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companies
such
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 as MB
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 practical experience and vocational training , which
universities
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 should provide for
thier
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their
students
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.
Moreover
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, when
students
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 have a clear focus on their future careers, they are more likely to improve their academic performance and achieve better results.
On the other hand
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 , many other people believe that
universities
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 should
also
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 focus on improving
knowledge
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 with
puipls
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pupils
. Vast
knowledge
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 can help
students
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 to build critical thinking skills.
Furthermore
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 ,
knowledge
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ecourages
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encourages
students
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 to think clearly , and
also
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 generates impressive ideas in several spects in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For instance
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 ,
students
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 who studied
varies
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various
 subjects at
universities
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 tend to be more successful in their lives , because they gained more experience during their studies In conclusion , I believe higher education
institution
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institutions
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 should primarily
preper
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prepare
students
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 for employment and avoid useless information , but they should
also
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 provide academic kowledage both
are
Correct pronoun usage
of which are
show examples
 essential for long-term success.

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Overall score: 5
Your essay answers the question, but your own view changes. At the start, you support learning for knowledge. At the end, you say universities should mainly get students ready for work. Choose one main view and keep it from start to end.
Task response
Make your view more clear. For example: “I believe universities should teach both, but knowledge should come first.” Then make all main points support this view.
Task response
Give more support for each main point. In the job part, explain how work practice helps a student do a real job. In the knowledge part, explain how wide learning helps a person solve new problems.
Task response
Your examples are too short and not always clear. “MB” is not explained. Use a simple, clear example, such as nursing students who need time in hospitals before they start work.
Task response
The last line has two ideas that do not fit well: “primarily prepare students for employment” and “avoid useless information”. This does not match your earlier view. Write one direct final answer.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. Your first body part is about job skills, but the last sentence is about better school results. Explain the link, or remove that sentence.
Coherence and cohesion
Use links to show why an idea follows. For example: “As a result, they can start work with less help.” This will make the flow more smooth.
Coherence and cohesion
Some word choices make the meaning hard to follow, such as “improving knowledge with pupils” and “several spects in their life”. Use simple, direct words: “help students gain more knowledge” and “many parts of life”.
Coherence and cohesion
Check spelling and word form, as these can stop the reader: “students”, “mainly”, “pupils”, “requires”, “companies”, “various”, “knowledge”, and “prepare”.
Task response
You discuss both sides and give your view in the first part and again at the end.
Task response
Your ideas about job skills, new ideas, and clear thinking are linked to the question.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: start, first view, second view, and end.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear link words such as “On the one hand”, “Moreover”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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