IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, when a person gets
old
Punctuation problem
old,
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 they decide to live in a nursing
house
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home
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 with other old
people
Use synonyms
 like
them
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them,
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 where there are nurses who look after them.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
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 the
government
Use synonyms
 has to pay for their
care
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. In my opinion, the one who has to pay at least a part for
this
Linking Words
care
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 is the
government
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 because it is a social responsibility and not every family can afford expensive service.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is very important for families to look after their elderly.
People
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 do everything to support their
children
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children,
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 so after
years
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years,
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 it becomes their duty to take
care
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 of them.
However
Linking Words
, not every family has the time and money to support the elderly. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the
government
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 should help with everything
they
Fix the agreement mistake
it
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 can.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many families with a lot of children where the parents do not have enough money to help their grand-parents so the
government
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 should do their best to help them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, many
people
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through
Change preposition
throughout
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 their
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
 pay taxes and even work for the
government
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. They should be treated right when they can no longer take
care
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 of themselves. Nursing
houses
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homes
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 can be very expensive even for ordinary
people
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. At an old
age
Add a comma
age,
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 it is hard to provide a necessary amount of money even if they worked all their life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
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 needs to pay for the nursing
house
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home
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 when there is no other option.
For instance
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,
people
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 who helped the country and saved other
peoples life
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people's lives
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 should be supported
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
when
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 they
no longer can
Correct word order
can no longer do so
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 families should support their elderly relatives with everything they can, I believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the
government
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 should pay for their
care
Use synonyms
 in a nursing home because everybody deserves better opportunities and
be
Verb problem
to be
show examples
 treated the right way.

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task response
Overall score: 6. Your answer is on topic and your main view is clear. To reach 7, explain more clearly who should pay in each case. For example, say that families who have enough money should pay some of the cost, while the government should pay for poor families or people with no family.
task response
Your examples are too general. “Many families with a lot of children” and “people who helped the country” are not strong examples. Give one clear example: an old woman with a low pension whose children have low-paid jobs may need government help.
task response
Some ideas need more support. You say the government should “help with everything they can”, but this is too wide. Say what help means: paying all the cost, paying part of it, or giving free care to people with very little money.
coherence and cohesion
Your order is good, but some sentences do not link well. In paragraph 1, you first say families must care for old people, then move quickly to government help. Add a clear link: “Still, family help may not be enough when full-time nursing care is needed.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the main idea. You use “nursing house”, “their care”, and “nursing home”. Choose “nursing home” and use it through the essay. This makes the writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one clear main point. For example: “One reason for government help is that nursing home care is too costly for many families.” Then explain it and give one example.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion repeats your view well, but it could be more exact. Instead of saying “everybody deserves better opportunities”, restate the payment plan: families should pay when they can, and the government should cover care for those who cannot.
task response
Your view is clear: the government should pay at least part of the cost. You give two main reasons: some families do not have enough money, and old people have paid tax during their lives.
task response
You answer both sides of the question. You say families should help, but the government should also help when care costs too much.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “However”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
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