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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010

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The presented pie graph illustrates the comparison of the average
household
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 expenditures from 2 countries
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Japan
Punctuation problem
, Japan
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 and
Malaysia
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in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 2010, with figures measured in
percentages
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Overall
Linking Words
, in all the
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
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 the average
household
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 expenditures spent the highest proportion of their budget on housing, food and other goods and services Housing accounts for 34% of the total expenditure of
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households
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household
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 in
Malaysia
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 ,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportions
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 were lower for
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household
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households
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 in
Japan
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 at only 21%.
However
Linking Words
, in terms of transport,
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household
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households
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 in
Japan
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 is higher
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percentages
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percentage
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 of their budgets
on
Punctuation problem
, on
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 20%,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportions
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 were lower for
Use synonyms
household
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households
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in
Malaysia
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 at 10%
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Japan
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 figures double
Malaysia
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.22%. In food ,
household
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 in
Malaysia
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 accounts for 27% of the total payments,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportions
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 were lower for
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household
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households
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 in
Japan
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 at 24%. Regarding health care accounts for 6% of the total budgets of
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household
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households
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 in
Japan
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,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentages
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 were lower for
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household
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households
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 in
Malaysia
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 at only 3%,
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Japan
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Japan's
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 figures double
Maylasia
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Malaysia's
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. In terms of other goods and services,
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household
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households
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 in
Japan
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 is higher
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percentages
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percentage
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 of their budgets on 29%,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportions
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 were lower for
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household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
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in
Malaysia
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 at only 26%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words household, japan, malaysia, percentages, proportions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household expenditures
  • proportion
  • cultural differences
  • economic differences
  • living standards
  • real estate market
  • public transportation
  • private transportation
  • infrastructure
  • government healthcare policies
  • quality of life
  • holistic view
  • inflation
  • economic growth
  • societal norms
  • globalization
  • communication expenses
  • education expenses
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