IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Some people believe that education is the best way to reduce crime, while others think that stricter punishments are more effective. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Firstly
Linking Words
, many people believe that education plays a vital role in reducing crime. The primary reason is that students learn self-discipline, moral values, and the importance of obeying the law.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that, from a young age, children are taught to respect others, tell the truth, and understand the difference between right and wrong.
For instance
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, many schools have introduced moral education programmes, which help students develop responsible behaviour and respect for society.
Consequently
Linking Words
, fewer young people become involved in criminal activities, creating a safer community.

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task response
This is only one body part. The question asks for both views and your own view. Add a part about stricter punishments, then clearly say which view you agree with.
task response
Give one more clear example. For example, say how job skills and school support may stop young people from joining crime.
coherence and cohesion
Add an introduction with both views, and end with a short conclusion that gives your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your links are good, but do not use too many long ideas in one sentence. Keep each sentence focused on one point.
task response
Your main idea is clear: education can help stop crime.
task response
You give a school example, so your point is not too general.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas go in a clear order: reason, explanation, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Words like “Firstly”, “For instance”, and “Consequently” help the reader follow your point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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