IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that academic subjects like math and science are more important than arts and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 like math and science are as important as arts and music because art and music
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 considered creative
subjects
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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there's
Correct subject-verb agreement
there are
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 different types of
learnings
Replace the word
learning
 and different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of people and what they choose in their life to
persu
Correct your spelling
pursue
 as a career .
Firstly
Linking Words
, it's important to focus on the academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 as it shapes the brain and helps the individual to learn the basics to the day to day life after school, if there was no academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 you wouldn't know how to calculate your income or buy goods and now how much the change is, you wouldn't know how to dial numbers or read words and signs in the streets, you won't be able to work and get a salary
therefore
Linking Words
 it's important to fit in the society we are living in.
Secondly
Linking Words
, arts and music are as important as the rest because once you learn the basics, you will want to know the level of creativity that you have
, some
Punctuation problem
. Some
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 people are more creative than others, and by teaching both and giving the choice to the receiver after
graduation
Punctuation problem
graduation,
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 if they want to
peruse in
Verb problem
pursue
show examples
 that path. In conclusion, I think it's important to focus on both academic and creative
subjects
Use synonyms
 as it helps in introducing the individual to both sides of learning and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 them the choice after
the graduate
Replace the word
graduation
 to continue it as a career or as a hobby.

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task response
Score: 5. Your main answer is clear, but the ideas need more detail. Explain more clearly why art and music matter. For example, say that they can help people share ideas, feel calm, or find work in art or music.
task response
Make your answer to “how far do you agree or disagree?” stronger. You can say: “I partly agree that math and science are very important, but art and music should have the same place at school.” Then keep this view in all parts.
task response
Some examples are not exact. “Dial numbers” is not a strong reason for school math or science. Use better examples, such as using math to plan money, or using science to understand health and the world.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Your order is good, but some sentences are very long. Break them into short sentences so each idea is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main part start with one clear idea. In the first part, write only about why math and science help in daily life. In the second part, write only about why art and music help people and jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links inside each part. For example: “For example”, “Also”, “Because of this”, and “However”. Do not use too many links; use them only when they help.
coherence and cohesion
Your last part repeats your view, which is good. Make it stronger by giving a short final reason: both kinds of subjects help people live, work, and choose their future.
task response
You give a clear view: math and science are as important as art and music.
task response
You talk about both sides and give real life points, such as money, signs, work, and jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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