IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

details of politicians private life should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Nowdays
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, exposing
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
politicians
Use synonyms
 should not be shared
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any article or to an newspaper. To a major extent, I strongly agree with the given view
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 my inclination will be elucidated in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, sharing any type of
information
Use synonyms
 about
lifestyle
Correct article usage
the lifestyle
show examples
 of any
Use synonyms
politicians
Fix the agreement mistake
politician
show examples
 is very much
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
, not only to an individual but
also
Linking Words
 to their family.
Use synonyms
information
Capitalize the word
Information
show examples
 about their private
life
Use synonyms
 will destroy their family security.
For instance
Linking Words
, people from
india
Capitalize the proper name
India
show examples
 were forcing
daughter
Correct article usage
the daughter
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 of
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 minister of
india
Capitalize the proper name
India
show examples
 to give
resignation
Correct article usage
a resignation
show examples
 letter
due to
Linking Words
 some private
life
Use synonyms
information
Use synonyms
 which was leaked by some press media
Punctuation problem
. For
show examples
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason minister has given
resignation
Correct article usage
a resignation
show examples
 letter.
Secondly
Linking Words
, because of exposing
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
politicians
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
, this
show examples
 highly impact
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
privacy
Use synonyms
 regarding their family
matter
Check wording
matters
show examples
 and many
more
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 private
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 press media have shared some private
information
Use synonyms
 about their family
Correct word choice
, and as a result,
show examples
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 their family has to suffer from that
information
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sharing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any type of
information
Use synonyms
 can
increases
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 criminal activity
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
life
Correct article usage
a life
show examples
 threat to their family.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think that not publishing
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of an politicans will not give
as
Use the right word
us
show examples
 transparency of their work towards
this
Linking Words
 nation.
In other words
Linking Words
,not publishing what that
indivdual
Correct your spelling
individual
 had done so far will not help their citizens to vote
them
Change preposition
for them
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 gives as
informaton
Correct your spelling
information
 to their work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, not sharing any type
Use synonyms
information
Change preposition
of information
show examples
 will give them more
privacy
Use synonyms
 for their family In conclusion, sharing
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
politicians
Use synonyms
 in
newspaper
Check wording
newspapers
show examples
 will
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decrease their
privacy
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
family
Verb problem
compromise their family
show examples
 security
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 can results criminal activity
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 if we
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
not
Punctuation problem
not,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 there will be no transparency of work towards their nation and
also
Linking Words
 there will be more
privacy
Use synonyms
 for their family.

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task response
Score: 5. Your main view is clear, but it is not fully steady. You say you strongly agree, then you give a full point for the other side. Say more clearly why your view is still stronger.
task response
Make your main points more full. Explain why a private family matter is different from news about a politician’s work, money, or law.
task response
Your India example is hard to follow. Give a short, clear example, or use a general example. Make sure it directly shows why newspapers can cause harm.
task response
Add one key limit: private life should not be shared unless it affects the person’s public work or breaks the law. This will make your answer more balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Put one main idea in each body paragraph. Paragraph 1 can be about family safety. Paragraph 2 can be about the need for public trust.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat. You say “private life”, “family”, and “information” many times. Give one clear reason, explain it, then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “This can put their family at risk. As a result, newspapers should not share such details.”
coherence and cohesion
Your last body paragraph changes from the other view to more privacy for family. End that paragraph by saying which side you support and why.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is too long and repeats many ideas. Write two short sentences: restate your view and give the main reason.
task response
You give a clear view: you mostly agree that private life should not be in newspapers.
task response
You give reasons about family safety, privacy, and public trust.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use links such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
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