IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

many young people are leaving their home in rural areas to study or work in cities. what are the reasons? do advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

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In recent years, increasing numbers of individuals are migrating to big
cities
Use synonyms
 for better work positions and higher studies.
This
Linking Words
 is
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 there are
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 opportunities for studies and work in rural
areas
Use synonyms
. I think there are more advantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend than disadvantages
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will elaborate
it
Change preposition
on it
show examples
 more in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 paragraphs. The first reason is that in Remote
areas
Use synonyms
, a high tech colleges and universities are situated, which makes the youngsters in underdeveloped
areas
Use synonyms
 more intrigued to apply
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there to avail their desired courses.
For example
Linking Words
, local institutes in rural
areas
Use synonyms
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 limited courses
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 there are more options available in big
cities
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, migration is
much
Verb problem
becoming more
show examples
 common these days for
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
 education.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
luxrious
Correct your spelling
luxurious
lifestyle and presence of all amenities in
cities
Use synonyms
 is another major reason for
this
Linking Words
 trend. Because in small
areas
Use synonyms
, People lead a simple lifestyle
due to
Linking Words
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 facilities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 today's generation
like
Correct subject-verb agreement
likes
show examples
 to get all necessities.
For example
Linking Words
, better hospitals, supermarkets and well-known brands are part of the
cities
Use synonyms
,
allure
Wrong verb form
luring
show examples
 youngsters to live
facilitated
Correct article usage
a facilitated
show examples
 life. There are certain advantages of moving to developed
areas
Use synonyms
.
people
Capitalize the word
People
show examples
 get financially strong by working in big companies that helps
Linking Words
then
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their dreams and enjoy
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life.
Other
Correct determiner usage
Another
show examples
 benefit of living in
advance
Replace the word
advanced
areas
Use synonyms
 is career growth.
For example
Linking Words
, by working in big restaurants, companies and businesses give the opportunities to get high
postions
Correct your spelling
positions
 and sometimes employees get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to win
bonus
Correct article usage
a bonus
show examples
 too. There are some drwabacks afcourse. As rural
areas
Use synonyms
 are losing young talent and families ate getting saperated but advantages are covering all the costs. In conclusion, even if there are some drawbacks,
but
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 still advance lifetsyle, promotions in jobs and better education are more important
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 should not be sacrificed by living in small
areas
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Score: 5. Your answer is clear, but some ideas need more detail. Explain why city colleges are better, why jobs pay more, and why these good points are more important than the bad points.
task response
Give a fuller look at the bad points. You name young people leaving rural areas and families being apart, but you do not explain the effects. Add points such as high living costs, hard city life, or fewer young workers in rural areas.
task response
Use examples that show your point more clearly. For example, say that a student moves because a city school has a course that is not in their home area.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Put each main idea in its own clear part. One part can be about reasons, one about good points, and one about bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. For example, “In Remote areas, a high tech colleges and universities are situated” says the opposite of your main point. Say: “In big cities, there are more high-tech colleges and universities.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the last body part longer. It is too short, so the essay feels unbalanced. Give at least two bad points and explain each one.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same idea about a better life many times. Use one clear point about money, one about study, and one about services.
task response
You answer both parts. You give reasons for moving to cities, and you say that the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: study, work, city life, and better services.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body parts, and an end. This helps the reader follow your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “For example”, “Additionally”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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