IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people today leave the countryside and their small villages and move to the big city. Give reasons why people do this and give some problems it might cause.

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
days
Add a comma
days,
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people
Use synonyms
 have changed their
living life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
. Many of them today leave the
countryside
Use synonyms
 and their small villages and
move
Use synonyms
 to the big
city
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the reasons why
people
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
make
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this
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move
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 and give some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 it might cause. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 there are many reasons for
people
Use synonyms
now a days
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 to leave the
countryside
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 and
move
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 to the big
city
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.
First,
Linking Words
the terrific location.
For
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example
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, many jobs
located
Verb problem
are located
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 in the downtown
of
Check wording
area of
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 the big
city
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.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Punctuation problem
Furthermore,
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 a massive
privet
Correct your spelling
private
 school around the
city
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 with
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 level of education.
Second,
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wonderful big events. Every year Universities big events for jobs and
scholarship
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scholarships
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.
Moreover
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 various of shows, activities for kids and their families.
Finally
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,
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 in the big
city
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 is easer the
countryside
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.
For
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example
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
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 in apartments in the
city
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 can do their shopping and
grousers
Correct your spelling
groceries
 online
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it will be delivered within an hour.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 the internet connection is unbelievable in the big
city
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.
On the other hand
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 do to the massive
demanding
Replace the word
demand
 to live in the big
city
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problems
Punctuation problem
, problems
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 might be
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
.
First,
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the big
city
Use synonyms
 will be crowded.
For
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example
Use synonyms
 traffic jams during rush hour.
also
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 there are many thefts
on
Change preposition
at
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 the train station.
Second,
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multiple
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
pollutions
Check wording
pollution
show examples
.
For
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example
Use synonyms
, cars, buses and trains have tremendous smoke.
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in
Capitalize the proper name
In
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addition
Punctuation problem
addition,
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 there are no green spaces
do
Use the right word
due
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 to the construction all over the
city
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.
Finally
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, the expenses.
For
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Use synonyms
example
Add a comma
example,
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 renting an apartment in the
city
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cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
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 triple the amount of renting a house in the
countryside
Use synonyms
.
Also
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 buying grousers
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 the super market cost around twice the small village or more. In conclusion, it is obvious to see that there are multiple reasons why
people
Use synonyms
move
Use synonyms
 to the big
city
Use synonyms
.
However
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,
this
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also
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 creates some serious problems.

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task response
Score: 5. Your ideas are on topic, but some need more clear support. For example, explain why city jobs are better: they may pay more or offer more kinds of work.
task response
Give one strong, full example for each main point. Some examples are too short, such as “traffic jams during rush hour.” Say how this affects people, for example, they lose time going to work.
task response
Be careful with ideas that are not fully true for all big cities. “There are no green spaces” is too strong. Say “there may be fewer green spaces” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The two body parts are easy to see, but some links are not clear. Use simple links that show the idea: “As a result”, “This means that”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. In the first body part, jobs, schools, events, online shopping, and internet are many ideas. Choose two or three and explain them more.
coherence and cohesion
The ending is clear but very short. Restate both the main reasons and the main problems in one or two full sentences.
task response
You answer both parts of the task: why people move and what problems can happen.
task response
You give clear main reasons, such as work, schools, events, and easy daily life.
task response
You give clear problems, such as crowding, dirty air, less green space, and high cost.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “First”, “Furthermore”, “Moreover”, and “Finally” help the reader follow your ideas.
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