Some people believe famous people’s support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, many well-known celebrities are involved in supporting international aid
organizations
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organisations
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through fundraising campaigns, public events, and social media. Some
people
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believe that their involvement helps raise awareness of global issues.
Nevertheless
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, others take an opposing stance and argue that it makes these problems seem less significant.
This
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essay will discuss both views and present my opinion. The greatest benefit of celebrities’ involvement in international aid
organizations
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organisations
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is their wide public influence. Because they are widely
recognized
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recognised
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and trusted by many
people
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, they can spread information about global issues much more quickly than charities alone.
This
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encourages more
people
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to learn about these problems and motivates them to donate money, volunteer, or participate in fundraising campaigns.
As a result
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, aid
organizations
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organisations
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are able to gain greater public support.
For instance
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, when a well-known public figure participates in a disaster relief, the campaign is more likely to receive widespread media coverage, encouraging more
people
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to provide assistance.
On the other hand
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, celebrity involvement may
also
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reduce the effectiveness of charity campaigns. Since public attention is often drawn to well-known figures, the humanitarian issue itself can become secondary.
Instead
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of gaining a deeper understanding of the problem, many
people
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are more interested in the celebrities’ appearances, personal lives, or opinions.
As a result
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, the campaign may generate publicity without increasing public awareness of the actual issue or encouraging meaningful action.
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, media coverage of a fundraising event may focus primarily on the celebrities in attendance
while
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providing only limited information about the purpose of the campaign and the
people
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it aims to support. In conclusion,
although
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this
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approach may occasionally shift attention away from the real issues, I believe that its benefits outweigh the drawbacks. It has the potential to encourage greater public participation and increase support for humanitarian causes.

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task response
Score: 7. To move to 8, make your own view stronger in the last part. Say why the good side is more important than the bad side, not only that it is.
task response
Your examples are clear, but they are general. Add one short real or more exact example to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 8. Your paragraph order is very good. To make it even better, add a little more link between each main point and the final view.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat “public attention” and “awareness”. You can join or cut a few lines so each paragraph has one main point and moves on.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly. Your main idea is easy to understand.
task response
Your examples fit your points. They show how a famous person can bring more people to a cause, but can also take attention from it.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: start, first view, other view, and end. This makes it easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear links such as “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “As a result” well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • international aid organizations
  • draws attention
  • less important
  • famous people
  • celebrities
  • volunteer support
  • overshadow
  • dilute
  • sustainability
  • endorsement
  • genuine
  • advocacy
  • deeper understanding
  • engaged
  • informed base
  • committed
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