IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying that the working
week
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 should be shorter.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
people
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 prefer to work a shorter working
week
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 rather than a longer
week
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,
.
Punctuation problem
apply
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There is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that a shorter working
week
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 encourages
people
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 to be more productive and helps them reduce stress on a daily basis.
To begin
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 with, shorter working hours can be beneficial in the long term.
In other words
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, it helps them improve their mood and allows them to unwind, and it boosts their energy after a
long
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long,
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 busy
week
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.
In addition
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, spending more time with their family leads to a decrease
pressure
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in pressure
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.
For example
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, outdoor activities
such
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 as going to the park or a local traditional festival provide a lot of energy
,
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apply
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 and enhance their confidence. Another point to consider is that working longer improves
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people
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people's
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 creativity.
it
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It
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 is
also
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 possible to say that it brings many benefits to their community and country because it makes a lot of profit.
Moreover
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, working longer hours allows them to develop their skills and critical thinking, which reflects a positive effect on society.
For instance
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, if employees work many
hour
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hours
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,it makes them improve their quality and accuracy, which leads to solving problems and helps
strenghen
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strengthen
 teamwork. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I believe that working fewer hours encourages
people
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 to become more independent and helps them improve their focus because it reduces stress and gives them a sense of satisfaction.

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task response
Overall score: 5. Your answer does not fully stay with one view. You say you agree with a shorter week, but one body part says that longer work is better. This makes your answer unclear. Choose one side and support only that side.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how fewer work hours can make people more productive. For example, say that rest can help workers focus and make fewer mistakes.
task response
Some examples are too general. The park or a festival may help people feel happy, but explain more clearly how this helps their work or health.
task response
Do not repeat the same idea about stress, energy, and mood without adding a new point. You could use two different ideas: better health and better work results.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear plan. Paragraph 1: your opinion. Paragraph 2: health and rest. Paragraph 3: family time and better work. Paragraph 4: conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraph about longer work does not fit your opinion. Remove it, or change it into a short note about why some people may not agree, then say why you still support a shorter week.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences clearer. For example: “As a result, workers return to work with more energy. Therefore, they can focus better.”
coherence and cohesion
Check full stops and capital letters. There are places where sentences run together, such as “long term.In other words” and “creativity.it”. Clear sentence breaks will make your ideas easier to follow.
task response
Your main view is clear: you agree that a shorter week is good. You give two main reasons: less stress and more time with family.
task response
You include examples, such as going to the park and local events. This helps make your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion. This gives it a clear basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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