IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that machine translation is highly developed in today's society. Therefore, it is not necessary for students to learn a foreign language. What's your opinion?

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It is often argued that
children
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no
Rephrase
do not
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 need to spend time learning a
second
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language
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 because artificial
intelligent
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intelligence
 and
translator
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translation
devices
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 are developing more advanced level in today's society.
While
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 machine translation is highly developed and people are using
widely
Correct pronoun usage
it widely
show examples
, I strongly believe that learning foreign languages plays a crucial role in
children
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's development and quality of life. First and foremost, acquiring a
second
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language
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 has a positive impact on
children
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's brain development
and
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, and
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 it can enhance academic performance. Translator
devices
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 and tools often translate
word-by-word
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word-for-word
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, which leads
misunderstanding
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to misunderstandings
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 and
confusions
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confusion
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.
Furthermore
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, acquiring a new
language
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 is
good
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a good
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 way to explore other
country's
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countries'
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 culture, history and art.
For instance
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,
students
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 who
speaks
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speak
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 English tend to study more
success
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successfully
 compared to other
students
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and
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, and
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 it
broaden
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broadens
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 one's horizons.
Therefore
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,
children
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able
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are able
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 to develop communication skills and promote
overall
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 knowledge independently.
In addition
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, machine translation often requires additional
devices
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, tools and
internet
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the internet
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while
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, while
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students
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 who have learned
second
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 languages can
make
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have
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 conversations and share feelings anytime and anywhere. Using a
second
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language
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 skill provides opportunities for
students
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achieve
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to achieve
show examples
 career success in the future. To cite a clear example, employers prefer to choose employees who
speaks
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speak
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 two
and
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or
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 more languages. It means that
,
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apply
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 learning
learn
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apply
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a foreign
language
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 plays a vital role in joining a job process.
As a result
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,
students
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 who have learned a
second
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language
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 can earn a high salary in the future. In conclusion,
although
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 translator
devices
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 and tools are becoming more popular day by day,
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 cannot help
to
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apply
show examples
students
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. I firmly believe that learning a
second
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language
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 improves quality of life and encourages creativity.

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task response
Estimated score: 6. Your answer addresses the question and gives a clear view. However, explain your ideas more fully. For example, say how learning a language helps the brain, and why a machine tool cannot give the same help.
task response
Your examples are linked to the topic, but they are too general. The point about English speakers doing better at study is not always true. Use a more clear example, such as a student speaking directly with a person from another country when there is no internet.
task response
Discuss the other side more fairly. Say that machine translation is useful for simple words or travel, but it may not understand tone, culture, or the full meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Your main order is good, but some ideas do not connect smoothly. In body paragraph 1, move from brain development to machine translation, then to culture. Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Do not add “Therefore” unless the next sentence is a clear result of the one before it. Make the link between each sentence clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ending match your main points. The conclusion says language learning encourages creativity, but creativity was not developed in the body. Instead, repeat brain growth, better communication, and future work.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear phrases such as “it cannot help to students”. Write a clear idea: “translation tools cannot replace the full benefits of learning a language.”
task response
Your opinion is clear: you believe students should still learn a foreign language.
task response
You give two main reasons: language learning helps the brain and school work, and it can help with future jobs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words well, such as “First and foremost”, “Furthermore”, “In addition”, and “As a result”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • machine translation
  • foreign language acquisition
  • cognitive abilities
  • cultural understanding
  • nuance
  • communication skills
  • human connection
  • idioms
  • context
  • error-prone languages
  • global job market
  • versatile
  • cultural content
  • competitive edge
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