IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many adults suffer from stress due to log working hours. What problems does this create, and how can these problems be solved.

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It is widely known that long working
hours
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 have a negative impact on people’s lives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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stress
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 has become a common effect of it.
Stress
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 has a lot of side effects,
such
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 as lack sleeping, mental health problems
as
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, such as
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 anxiety, just to mention
.
Correct determiner usage
a few.
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However
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, there are some ways to lower
down
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apply
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stress
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 levels
,
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;
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this
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 essay will explore possible solutions.
Firstly
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, long working
hours
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 and
stress
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 are highly linked with unhealthy habits.
For instance
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, poor diet, sedentary life and lack of sleep. Research shows that an adult needs at least 7
hours
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 of deep rest to recover energy and avoid any neurological problems.
However
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, the same study demonstrates that the average for an adult is 5
hours
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 per night. The interviewers for the study mention they need to work extra
hours
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 to finish work tasks, leading to fewer
hours
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 to rest. A possible solution
,
Verb problem
is
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 night yoga and meditation. Relaxing the body and mind may help to fall asleep faster and more deeply.
Last
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 but not least, stressful life and the unhealthy habits mentioned before lead to mental health issues. Numerous workers have reported experiencing burnout
effect
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apply
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.
Consequently
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, the number of anxiety problems related to work has increased.
Moreover
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, companies are raising awareness of
this
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 problem and are developing policies as a
free
Correct word choice
apply
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day for mental health. Despite
this
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, individuals must take action on their life-work balance
,
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;
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 saving time for activities
such
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 as exercising may improve
overall
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 well-being . In conclusion, healthy habits are a domino effect for
overall
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 well-being.
Although
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stress
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 and sedentary life
due to
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 working is part of our daily routine, small changes are beneficial in long term solution.

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task response
Score: 5. Your ideas are on topic, but they need more full help and detail. Explain more clearly how each problem affects adults, families, or work. For example, poor sleep can make people tired, less safe, and less able to do their job well.
task response
Give stronger and more direct solutions. “Night yoga” is one small idea, but employers can also cut extra work, give more staff, allow work from home, or make clear rules about time off.
task response
Be careful with facts like the study about 7 and 5 hours. As you do not name the study, it may sound weak. A clear general example may be better.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The main order is clear, but some links between ideas are not smooth. In body paragraph 1, you move from poor diet and sleep to a study, then to yoga. Add a clear link: “Because workers sleep less, they may feel tired and worried. Therefore, they should...”
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph should have one main idea. Paragraph 1 could focus only on sleep and physical health. Paragraph 2 could focus only on mental health and work rules.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not complete or are joined in a weak way. For example, change “A possible solution, night yoga and meditation” to “One possible solution is to do yoga or meditation at night.”
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the main topic, but it does not clearly sum up the two problems and the two types of solutions. State them again in a direct way.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: the problems of long work hours and ways to help.
task response
You give clear problems, such as poor sleep, bad health, and anxiety. You also give ways to help, such as yoga, rest days, and exercise.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “However”, “Consequently”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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