IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You have a job based at home, and you are having trouble with a piece of equipment you use for your work. Write a letter to the company or shop that provided the equipment. In your letter • describe what is wrong with the equipment • explain how this is affecting the work you do • say what you would like the company or shop to do You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to bring some problems to your attention regarding my Fender electric
guitar
Use synonyms
 , which has order number 4455. These problems prevent me from playing
this
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 instrument. I placed my
guitar
Use synonyms
 order
last
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 week. When I received it yesterday, I noticed the package was damaged. After some hesitation, I decided to open the package to check whether the
guitar
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 was damaged or not. Unfortunately, a few strings were broken, leading to some irreversible problems. After some effort, I managed to put the strings on, but the
guitar
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 had lost its sustain when I tried to play it. Since I had an important concert
last
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 weekend, I was not able to play the damaged
guitar
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.
As a result
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, I had to borrow a
guitar
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 from neabry shop, which I was not used to playing because it was not suitable for the concert. Considering
this
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 situation, I kindly request that the
guitar
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 be changed for a new one. Alternatively, I would really appreciate it if you could refund my money.
This
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 compensation would be crucial for me because I would be able to buy a new
guitar
Use synonyms
. Thank you for your time and consideration. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Ibrahim

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task response
Score: 6. Make the work problem more clear. The task says you work from home, but your letter talks about a concert. Say how the guitar is part of your job and how the problem stopped your work.
task response
Check the time line. You say you got the guitar yesterday, but the concert was last weekend. This is hard to understand. Use times that match.
task response
Say more clearly what you want first: a new guitar, a repair, or your money back. Give a short time for the shop to reply.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Keep one clear idea in each part. For example: first the damage, then the effect on work, then your request.
coherence and cohesion
Some details are not clear. “Irreversible problems” does not tell the reader what is wrong. Name the exact problem, such as broken strings, a loose part, or no sustain.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to make the letter easier to follow: “First”, “Then”, “Because of this”, and “Therefore”.
task response
You answer all three parts: the problem, the effect on your work, and what you want the shop to do.
task response
Your tone is polite and right for a letter to a shop.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear start, middle, and end. Your greeting and closing are very good.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “After some effort”, “Since”, and “As a result” to show the order of events.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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