IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Doyouthinkitisbetterforgovernmentstospendmoneydevelopingpublictransportationordevelopingnewkindsofcars? Givereasonsforyouranswerandincludeanyrelevantexamplesfromyourownknowledgeorexperience.

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It is often argued that the
government
Use synonyms
 should allocate
funds
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
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transportation
Punctuation problem
transportation,
show examples
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 others are of the
opinion
Use synonyms
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
it should focus on building new kinds of
cars
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.In my
opinion
Use synonyms
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should invest heavily in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transport
Use synonyms
 development because it will help the whole
nation
Punctuation problem
nation,
show examples
 as
everyone cannot
Correct word order
not everyone can
show examples
 afford a private vehicle.
This
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 essay will discuss both the views before explaining my position. On one hand, people are of the
opinion
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 that the
government
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 should allocate
funds
Use synonyms
 for public
transportation
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 development.It is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it will improve the infrastructure of the
country
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will
also
Linking Words
 benefit the economy.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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London
Add a comma
London,
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 the extensive network of
transport
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system
Check wording
systems
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 is acknowledged worldwide as it contributes to the economy of the
country
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that the
government
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 should focus on developing different kinds of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vehicles
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. As
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 pollution is rising day by day and causing harm to our health.
Additionally
Linking Words
, building new types of
cars
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 will help in reducing the rising demands of
fuel
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 .Electric
cars
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 and other types of
cars
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 will operate on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
renewable energy sources
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 will help in reducing the fossil
fuel
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 emissions and
fuel
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 requirements.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In the
Correct determiner usage
in
show examples
 Norway
incentives
Punctuation problem
, incentives
show examples
 are given by the
government
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 on the purchase of electric
vehicles
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 .In
this
Linking Words
 way, the officials are promoting
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of electric
vehicles
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. In my
opinion
Use synonyms
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should focus on investing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transportation
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. As
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it will benefit both the rich and the poor people of a
country
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, we cannot ignore the fact that
everyone can not
Correct word order
not everyone can
show examples
 afford a private vehicle.
Furthermore
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, public
transport
Use synonyms
 itself helps in reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution and traffic congestion problems.
This
Linking Words
 is
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should allocate more
funds
Use synonyms
 for public
transport
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, Public
transportation
Use synonyms
 helps in making a better infrastructure and
also
Linking Words
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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 the economic growth .
However
Linking Words
, other kinds of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vehicles
Use synonyms
 will reduce the
fuel
Use synonyms
 requirements of the
country
Use synonyms
.I personally believe that allocating
funds
Use synonyms
 for public
transport
Use synonyms
 will benefit all the citizens.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will
also
Linking Words
 help in reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution and traffic congestion.

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overall score
Score: 6. Your ideas are clear and you answer the question. To get 7, make each main point more fully explained and remove unclear or unfinished sentences.
task response
Your main view is clear, but the point about public transport helping the economy needs more detail. Explain how it helps, for example, by helping people get to work more easily.
task response
The car side is relevant, but it is a little general. Say why new cars need public money, and compare this more directly with spending on buses and trains.
task response
Do not repeat the same points too often. You mention pollution, traffic, and poor people several times. Add one new reason instead, such as lower travel cost or better access in small towns.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The third body paragraph repeats your view from the start, so it could be joined with the first body paragraph or developed with a new point.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not correct or complete. For example, “This is because. Thus,” stops the flow. Write one full sentence after “because”, or delete it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. Do not start a sentence with “As,” when it does not link well. For example: “Public transport benefits rich and poor people because not everyone can afford a private car.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the end short and clear. It should restate your view and two main reasons without adding too many repeated ideas.
task response
You answer both sides and give your own clear view: public transport should get more money.
task response
You use useful examples from London and Norway. These examples fit the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, your view, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”.
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