IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

That there are many accidents on the roud how can we reduce it?

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Many people have been in
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 crash in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.In
this
Linking Words
 essay l will discuss how we can decrease the number of
accidents
Use synonyms
. First of all, their is a lot of people every day
face
Correct pronoun usage
who face
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accidents
Use synonyms
 on their way home or when they go to their jobs.
However
Linking Words
, we can focus on how we
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 stop these common mistakes.
For example
Linking Words
, if there was a serious punishment too any one useing a cell phone or
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 busy with other things in the car rather than
the
Verb problem
focusing on the
show examples
 highway. We will see that people will show their cooperation immediately.
Secondly
Linking Words
, we can make a lot of stops on the
road
Punctuation problem
road,
show examples
 that's guarantee to the driver that he can rest there and complete the ride when he's ready.
In addition
Linking Words
, some researchers did a study in 2020, they bring 100 individuals
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 been in a lot of
accidents
Use synonyms
. The study examined how they were driving, and the mutual thing between them was that they were not always paying attention to the highway or eating
while
Linking Words
 driving. To stop and get the number of
accidents
Use synonyms
 lower, we have to take serious actions , or we can make cars that have
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 AI system like the new series of BMW that stop itself and get off the
artery
Use the right word
highway
show examples
 if the driver accidentally falls asleep.
To conclude
Linking Words
, we can decrease the number of
accidents
Use synonyms
 if we impose serious punishment on anyone who does not pay attention and put his life at risk and others. Or we can build a car that has a modern system that can read the driver's eye if he does not pay attention and stop itself.

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task response
Overall score: 6. Your answer is on the right topic and gives more than one idea. To get a 7, explain each idea in a more full and clear way. Say why a rule works and how it can cut crashes.
task response
The study about 100 people is useful, but it is not clear where it came from. In IELTS, a simple real-life example is often better than a made-up study.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the question. The point about AI cars is good, but explain that this may cost a lot and may not help all drivers now.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and have many ideas. Break them into short sentences. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main part follow one clear plan: give the idea, say why it helps, then give an example. Your first main part changes from accidents to punishment too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. For example: “As a result, drivers may use their phones less.” This shows the effect of the rule.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat “serious punishment” and “stop itself” too much. Use simple other words, such as “strict rules”, “fines”, or “the car can slow down and stop”.
task response
You answer the question with clear ways to cut road accidents: rules for phone use, rest stops, and car systems.
task response
Your main ideas have examples, such as drivers using phones, eating, or falling asleep.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words such as “First of all”, “Secondly”, “For example”, “In addition”, and “To conclude”.
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