IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Accesstocleanwaterisabasichumanright.Therefore,everyhomeshouldhaveawatersupplythatisprovidedfreeofcharge. Doyouagreeordisagree? Givereasonsforyouranswerandincludeanyrelevantexamplesfromyourownknowledgeorexperience.

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It is often argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clean
water
Use synonyms
 is a basic human right.
Thus
Linking Words
, every home should have a free
water
Use synonyms
 supply.
This
Linking Words
 issue has sparked considerable debate
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I firmly agree with it. It is because
water
Use synonyms
 is important for human survival.
Moreover
Linking Words
, not
everyone
Use synonyms
 can afford it.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views before explaining my position. One of the most compelling reasons is that
water
Use synonyms
 is
basic
Correct article usage
a basic
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 human requirement.In many developed
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 many people lost their
lives
Use synonyms
 because of inadequate
water
Use synonyms
 supply.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
According
Fix capitalization
according
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 to
Correct article usage
the WHO
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WHO
Punctuation problem
WHO,
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 almost 4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
world
Check wording
world's
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 population is dying every year because of a shortage of
water
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is a primary responsibility of the government to supply clean
water
Use synonyms
 to
it's
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
 inhabitants. Another
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 is that
water
Use synonyms
 born disease are spreading day by day.It is causing a potential threat to human
lives
Use synonyms
.
According to
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 a report
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 published by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Yale University. It is evident that Cholera is spreading in developing countries because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of clean
water
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, clean
water
Use synonyms
 should be supplied to
everyone
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, clean
water
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 basic human right. It should be available for
everyone
Use synonyms
 .
As many
Correct word choice
Many
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 poor families cannot afford it.
Therefore
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, the officials should supply clean
water
Use synonyms
 to
everyone
Use synonyms
. If clean
water
Use synonyms
 is not
free
Punctuation problem
free,
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 people will obtain it from sources that are not safe.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will cause a potential threat to their
lives
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
water
Use synonyms
 is vital for human
Use synonyms
lives
Check wording
life
show examples
.The clean
water
Use synonyms
 should be available for
everyone
Use synonyms
 because it is
basic
Correct article usage
a basic
show examples
 human necessity. As
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are many places where there is
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of
water
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 many people die because of it .
Moreover
Linking Words
,it is
also
Linking Words
 important that
water
Use synonyms
 should be
clean
Punctuation problem
clean,
show examples
otherwise
Linking Words
 many diseases can spread. I personally believe that clean
water
Use synonyms
 should be free because many poor families cannot afford it.

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task response
Overall score: 5. Your answer is clear, but it does not fully deal with the key word “every home”. Explain how free water can be given to all homes, and who will pay for pipes, cleaning, and water supply.
task response
You say “This essay will discuss both views”, but you only give the agree side. Either add the other side, such as the cost to the state and waste of water, or remove this line.
task response
Give more detail for each main idea. For example, say that a free basic amount can be given to each home, while people pay for extra water. This makes your view more real and fair.
task response
Be careful with facts such as WHO and Yale reports. The numbers and claims may not be right. Use a simple, clear example instead: “In poor areas, families may use dirty river water when they cannot pay for safe water.”
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. Body 1 can be about life and health. Body 2 can be about poor homes and the cost of water. Then explain each idea with one example.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same idea many times. “Water is a basic right” and “water is needed for life” appear in several parts. Add new points instead of saying the same point again.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between sentences more smooth. For example: “Because water is needed for life, the state should give each home a free basic supply. This can stop poor families from using unsafe water.”
coherence and cohesion
Your ending is clear, but it is too long and repeats the body. End with your view and one short reason.
task response
You give a clear view: you agree that clean water should be free.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: water is needed for life, poor people may not pay, and unsafe water can cause disease.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple link words such as “Moreover”, “For instance”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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