IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, young people are moving from rural areas to cities to work or study. Why is this happening? What are advantages or disadvantages of this trend?

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Youth
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 following a trend of moving into urban areas from villages for different reasons across the world.
This
Linking Words
 will
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to advantages as well
some
Correct word choice
as some
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 disadvantages, which the following essay will discuss
along with
Linking Words
 a conclusion. First and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foremost, shifting to cities comes with
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of facilities for daily life and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 the pace
as
Correct word choice
that
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 today's era
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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. In
this
Linking Words
 era, everyone needs the best educational facilities
along with
Linking Words
 safe
carrier
Use the right word
career
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 options, which is highly possible in a place where
school
Check wording
schools
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, colleges and different company offices are situated.
For instance
Linking Words
, Delhi
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 capital of
India
Punctuation problem
India,
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 has the best
school
Check wording
schools
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 and colleges, which
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 the best education
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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international companies have their offices based in Delhi, which can secure their future in the same area, which is not really possible in a rural area.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, leaving rural areas can
also
Linking Words
 have some negative impacts
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the biggest can be
vanishing
Correct article usage
the vanishing
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 of cultural values which were carried for
genrations
Correct your spelling
generations
 by living in the same region.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many villages in Punjab, from which youth
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 moved
to
Change preposition
apply
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abroad or to some other developed cities, leaving behind their elders and
cuting
Correct your spelling
cutting
 their own roots with the culture. In compendium, advantages of the trend can not
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
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 the disadvantages, but there are certain ways to overcome it,
such
Linking Words
 as
carring
Use the right word
carrying
show examples
 the cultural values and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 them as a part of daily living.

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task response
Overall score: 5. Your ideas are clear, but the answer needs more full detail. Explain more reasons for moving, such as better pay, more jobs, and more study choices.
task response
The question asks for advantages or disadvantages. You give one main good point and one main bad point, but each point needs more support. Say how city work can help young people and their families. Say how fewer young people in villages can harm village life.
task response
Your last paragraph says the bad side is greater, but you do not fully show why. Make your view clear from the start and support it in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. In the first body paragraph, first give the reason for moving, then explain the good side. At present, these two ideas are mixed together.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more direct plan: Paragraph 1: reasons. Paragraph 2: advantages. Paragraph 3: disadvantages. This will make the answer easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are not natural. Instead of “First and the foremost,” use “First.” Instead of “In compendium,” use “In conclusion.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Shorter sentences will make the meaning clearer. For example, split the Delhi example into two or three sentences.
task response
You answer both parts: why young people move, and the good and bad sides.
task response
Your examples about Delhi and Punjab are clear and fit your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For instance” and “On the other hand” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Metropolitan
  • Career advancement
  • Higher education institutions
  • Cultural diversity
  • Infrastructure
  • Rural exodus
  • Standard of living
  • Networking
  • Overcrowding
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Quality of life
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