IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, young people are moving from rural areas to cities to work or study. Why is this happening? What are advantages or disadvantages of this trend?

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It is often observed that in many countries, young people prefer to move from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to urban
areas
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. Staying
at
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in
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 cities often provides more job opportunities, entertainment options and many types of educational services.
While
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this
Linking Words
 trend presents certain drawbacks, it
also
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 offers several significant advantages. On the one hand, there are clear disadvantages associated with youngers leave the countryside. Young adults play a vital role in countryside growth
and
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, and
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 it is fundamental
of
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to
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 national sustainable development.
Consequently
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,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has a negative impact on
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 economy.
As a result
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, urban
areas
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 might face challenges that lack
of
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apply
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priority employers
such
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 as doctors, teachers and policies. The governments should create some policies
,
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apply
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 which improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of
young population's life
Correct word order
life of the young population
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.
On the other hand
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, the advantages of living
at
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in
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 cities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 substantial. First and foremost, they have a positive impact on young families by providing a wide range of universities and colleges.
Furthermore
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, working
at
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in
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 urban
areas
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 has
optional
Correct article usage
an optional
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 job market, which is
good a
Correct word order
a good
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 way to earn a high salary.
For example
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, individuals who want to focus on their education are able to join courses
such
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 as dancing, cooking and art. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a wide range of employees, universities, courses and colleges in
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
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 area. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the migration of young families from rural
areas
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 to cities has a negative impact on
national
Correct article usage
the national
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 economy and development, it
also
Linking Words
 provides considerable benefits that improve living
standard
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standards
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 and life satisfaction for individuals who live
urban
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in urban
show examples
.
Check wording
areas.
show examples

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task response
Estimated score: 5. Your ideas are on topic, but some are not fully explained. Say more clearly why cities have more jobs and better schools, and how this helps young people.
task response
The bad side is not clear in places. Explain that when young people leave, rural areas may have fewer workers, fewer new families, and less growth.
task response
Some examples do not strongly support your point. Dancing and cooking courses show city life, but they do not clearly explain the move for work or study. Use one real and direct example.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Your first body paragraph moves from rural growth to city jobs such as doctors and teachers, so the point becomes hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences clearer. For example: “This can harm rural areas because fewer young workers are left there.”
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words in a clear way. Write “young people” rather than changing to “youngers”, “young adults”, and “young families” when you mean the same group.
task response
You answer both parts: why young people move, and the good and bad sides.
task response
You give clear main reasons, such as work, study, and fun things to do in cities.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Metropolitan
  • Career advancement
  • Higher education institutions
  • Cultural diversity
  • Infrastructure
  • Rural exodus
  • Standard of living
  • Networking
  • Overcrowding
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Quality of life
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