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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today are leaving their villages and life in the country side and moving to the big city. Give reasons for this and give problems that this might create.

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There are many
people
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 who prefer to leave their
villages
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 in the countryside and
move
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 to the big city. A 2014 study in the USA found that 60% of
people
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 are leaving their
villages
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.
This
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 essay will examine the reasons for
this
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 and the
problems
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 that
this
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 might create. On the one hand, there are many reasons for
people
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 to transfer to the big
cities
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.
First,
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they want to have a good job with a high salary. They think it will help them live the life they want.
For
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example
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, many
people
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 leave their jobs in the village to work in a big company.
Second,
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there are some
people
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 who
move
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 to the city because they want to be near their families.That makes them feel more comfortable.
For
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example
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, a girl wants to
move
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 to live with her family
instead
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 of living alone in the village.
Finally
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, some
people
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 want their children to study in great universities or schools. They are trying their best to make their children's dreams come true.
For
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example
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, a student who was accepted at Harvard University will absolutely try to
move
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 to the city to study at his dream university.
On the other hand
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, there are some
problems
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 that
this
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 might create.
First,
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there will be a huge increase in population in the
cities
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. That might lead to accidents and pollution because of the cars and vehicles.
For
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example
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, the crowd
of
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on
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 the street cause traffic jam , which leads to many accidents because of careless drivers.
Second,
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there will be a lack of food in the
cities
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. Because there are a lot of big families who transfer to
cities
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.
For
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example
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, the supermarkets that can afford the amount of food that
people
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 need.
Finally
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, the
villages
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 will be suffering from the economy. Most residents moved , so that will reduce the amount of money that
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villages
Correct article usage
the villages
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 get every day.
For
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example
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,
people
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 who started a big shop in the village will suffer
from
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apply
show examples
a big loss. In conclusion, there are many reasons that make
people
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 want to
move
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 to the
cities
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.
However
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, there are many
problems
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 that transfer may cause.
Therefore
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,
people
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 try to reduce the
problems
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 by finding some solutions.

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task response
Score: 5. Your ideas are on topic, but some need more clear support. For example, moving to be near family is possible, but it is not a main reason for most people to leave villages. Focus more on jobs, better schools, hospitals, and city services.
task response
Some examples are not fully clear. The food example does not explain the problem well. Say that more people can make food, homes, and public services harder to provide.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how city jobs can give higher pay, and how too many people can cause high house prices, traffic, and dirty air.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Your overall order is clear, but some links between ideas are weak. Use simple links such as “This is because”, “As a result”, and “Also” to show cause and result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. For example, “the supermarkets that can afford the amount of food that people need” is not a full clear idea. Write one clear point, then explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion repeats the main idea, but the last sentence adds “finding some solutions” without giving any solutions. End by summarising the reasons and problems only.
task response
You answer both parts: why people move and what problems this can cause.
task response
You give clear main ideas, such as jobs, family, schools, more people, traffic, and loss for villages.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “First”, “Second”, “Finally”, and “For example” help the reader follow your ideas.
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