IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that governments should make healthy foods such as fruits and vegetables cheaper, while others think that unhealthy foods should be taxed. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
It is widely debated whether governments should make healthy
foods
Use synonyms
 more affordable or impose higher taxes on unhealthy
foods
Use synonyms
 is the better option.
While
Linking Words
 both perspectives have valid arguments, I believe that making fruits and vegetables more affordable is the more practical and beneficial choice. On the one hand, taxing unhealthy
foods
Use synonyms
 can offer several advantages. One of the most important is lower consumption of processed
food
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to better public health, which may be particularly beneficial for young people and children. Another important advantage is greater awareness of unhealthy eating habits, which can contribute to healthier
food
Use synonyms
 choices.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is understandable why many people support
this
Linking Words
 view.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, making healthy
foods
Use synonyms
 more affordable can
also
Linking Words
 provide significant benefits. The main advantage is greater access to nutritious
food
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can have a positive impact on low-income families by helping them to maintain a healthier diet.
In addition
Linking Words
, lower prices for fresh produce can result in greater consumption of fruits and vegetables. For these reasons, I believe that making healthy
foods
Use synonyms
 more affordable offers greater
overall
Linking Words
 benefits. In conclusion, both views have their own merits.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that making fruits and vegetables more affordable is preferable because it can lead to better public health and greater access to nutritious
food
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Score: 7. You answer all parts of the question, but your ideas need more detail. Explain more clearly why lower prices may work better than a tax. For example, say that poor families may not be able to pay more for food, but lower fruit and vegetable prices give them a real choice.
task response
Add one clear real-life example. For example: if a market sells apples and carrots at a lower price, families may buy them more often instead of cheap snacks.
task response
Your first body part says a tax can lower the use of processed food, but it does not say how. Add: “When these foods cost more, some people may buy them less often.”
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Your paragraphs are in a good order, but some points feel like a list. Make each point link more closely to the next one. For example, after “lower consumption”, explain the health result before starting the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated words, such as “important advantage”, “benefits”, and “healthier”. Try simple changes like “a key point”, “a good result”, or “better health”.
coherence and cohesion
The first sentence has a grammar issue. Write: “It is widely debated whether governments should make healthy foods more affordable or impose higher taxes on unhealthy foods.” Do not use “is the better option” after this form.
task response
You discuss both views and clearly give your own view. Your main idea stays clear from the start to the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: start, first view, second view, and end. The order is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: