IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Human activities has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world, some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change Discuss both and give your own opinion.

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It is undeniable that plants and creatures are negatively affected by our activities globally.
While
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 a proportion of individuals believe that it is unchangeable, others firmly argue that required procedures must be committed to optimise the situation.
This
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 essay will examine both viewpoints before presenting my own opinion. Which flavours
taking
Verb problem
are taking
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 action towards practising sustainably is not logical. On one hand, proponents of the fact that activities cannot be changed often point out that fossil fuels and deforestation are crucial for economic development, which effectively means these practices must be done in order to sustain a steady growth in the Gross Domestic Product.
In addition
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, petrol and gas are significantly essential for our daily
basis
Check wording
lives
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, forbidding the extraction of oil for the purpose of animals is not beneficial for us.
For instance
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, a recent study from an English university revealed that 88 per cent of households rely on petrol for transportation, and gas for operating air conditioners.
Consequently
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, it is impossible to take any action against it because modern houses
relies
Correct subject-verb agreement
rely
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 on non-renewable energy.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that alternative methods could resolve the issue,
such
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 as using electric vehicles
instead
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 of petrol-reliant motors, and solar energy for the operation of electricity.
However
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, the majority of these alternatives faced serious challenges in terms of efficiency, convenience, and speed, where electric cars require 6 hours of charging to drive 500 kilometres, and car batteries must be replaced fortnightly.
In addition
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, some motors relying on electricity reach a speed limit of 110 kilometres per hour, which is insufficient for highways and global standards. In conclusion, despite individuals holding diverse points of view. I firmly believe that human activities cannot be changed with the current alternatives that are not practical for human use.

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task response
Score: 5. You answer all parts, but your ideas are not fully clear. Your first paragraph says action is needed, but your opinion says change is not possible. Make your view the same from the start to the end.
task response
Explain more about why some people think change can happen. Give real actions, such as laws to stop forest loss, more public transport, and rules for companies.
task response
Your second main paragraph talks mostly about why electric cars are hard to use. This supports the view that change is hard, not the view that action can help. Keep each paragraph focused on one side.
task response
The study about 88 per cent of homes is not very strong because it is not clear where, when, or how it was done. Use a simple, clear example instead.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The main order is clear, but some sentences are hard to follow. For example, “Which flavours taking action towards practising sustainably is not logical” does not make sense. Write: “In my view, change is hard, but action can still help.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body paragraph state the main idea clearly. Then give one or two reasons and an example. This will make your writing easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use links with care. “Consequently” should show a clear result. Here, the move from people using petrol and gas to “it is impossible to take any action” is too big. Say that change may be slow, not impossible.
coherence and cohesion
Check small grammar points that affect flow: “Human activities have had”, “houses rely”, and “on a daily basis”.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly in the last part.
task response
You use examples of oil, gas, cars, and solar power, so your ideas are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: start, first view, second view, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • extinction
  • natural habitats
  • irreversible
  • mitigated
  • conservation
  • ecosystem restoration
  • reforestation
  • protected wildlife areas
  • stricter pollution controls
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • overfishing
  • logging
  • technological advancements
  • scientific research
  • habitat restoration
  • breeding endangered species
  • invasive species
  • sustainable practices
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