IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Solving environmental problems should be the responsibility of international organizations rather than each national government. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is an ongoing debate about whether international
organisations
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 or national
governments
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 should be primarily responsible for tackling environmental issues
such
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 as global warming and melting polar ice.
While
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 many believe
governments
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 should lead
this
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 effort, I firmly believe that international
organisations
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 are better suited to
this
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 role, as they possess both the financial resources and skilled expertise needed to address these
problems
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 effectively. On the one hand, global institutions have an enormous amount of resources to fight against environmental
problems
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,
such
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 as global warming,
while
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governments
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 don't have. These institutions can raise funds and collaborate with different companies and countries because global
organisations
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 are independent and reliable, enabling companies to invest in the protection of the environment.
For instance
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, Greenpeace have many supporters and fundraisers from all around the world, enabling the organisation to purchase and maintain expensive technological tools,
such
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 as radars that can report forest fires in advance across the world.
Therefore
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, global
organisations
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 can provide solutions at the international level,
while
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governments
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 cannot afford to implement global strategies
due to
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 limited budgets.
On the other hand
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, these
organisations
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 have a wide range of human resources,
such
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 as scientists, researchers and workers from different backgrounds and experience ,
whereas
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governments
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 don't have
such
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 people.
This
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 is because these people take some mandatory training and classes where they improve their knowledge and abilities in
organisations
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' centres, which gives them hands-on experience to tackle environmental issues. To illustrate, the Arctic Organisation employs many scientists in different periods, and they provide them opportunities to research root
problems
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 of melting ice in the Polar Zone, which gives them a chance to build a clear understanding of possible solutions.
Thus
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, international
organisations
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 not only employ experts but
also
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 create a space where they can find the core of the problem;
however
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,
governments
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 sometimes struggle to employ
such
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 experts. In conclusion,
although
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governments
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 have some responsibilities to tackle environmental
problems
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, I firmly maintain that international institutions have not only trained and experienced people but
also
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 sufficient funds to fight against the
problems
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;
as a result
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, they should take more responsibility than
authorities
Correct article usage
the authorities
show examples
.

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task response
Make your main claim more exact. The task asks who should be responsible. Say clearly that world groups should lead work on problems that cross borders, but each government must still act at home.
task response
Some claims are too broad. For example, do not say governments cannot afford world plans or do not have skilled people. Many governments have money, science teams, and law power. Explain why world groups can do some jobs better, such as setting shared goals and helping poor states.
task response
Make examples more real and safe. The Greenpeace radar example and the Arctic Organisation example may not be clear or true. Use a simple general example: world groups can help many countries share data on fires, sea rise, and air pollution.
task response
Explain each example one step more. After giving an example, show how it proves that world groups should have the main role, not only that they can help.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words. You use “international organisations”, “global institutions”, “global organisations”, and “international institutions”. Choose one or two terms and use them through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are weak or repeated. For example, “which gives them” appears more than once. Use short, direct links: “This means that...”, “As a result...”, or “For this reason...”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the second main part easier to follow. First state that world groups can bring experts from many countries. Then explain how shared study helps find causes. Last, link this to better action.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two or three short sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep the same view to the end. Your two main ideas are clear: world groups may have more money and more skilled people.
task response
You use examples in both main parts. This helps the reader see what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Each main part has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “On the one hand”, “For instance”, “To illustrate”, and “Thus” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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