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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All university undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studying abroad or doing a work placement. Do you think the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In contemporary society, it is often argued that all university undergraduate
cources
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courses
 should include a period of time spent studying overseas or undertake
interships
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internships
 in professions related to their own.
While
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 there are potential drawbacks to
this
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 phenomenon, I firmly believe the benefits far outweigh them, as
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gain the
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gaining
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 knowledge from foreign professors and
understand
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understanding
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 what they would do in their
future
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 occupation are much more essential.
Firstly
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, an opportunity to study internationally may enhance
students
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'
overall
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 understanding of
subject
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the subject
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. As they will attend lectures which
hold
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are held
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 by professors
,
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apply
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 who
ended
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have ended
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much
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at much
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 more prestigious universities and have a worthwhile experience. 
Moreover
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, bachelors are able to
made
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make
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 a lot of new relationships, acquaintances, and
gain
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an
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apply
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experience living abroad, which could improve their,
for example
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, financial literacy.
Likewise
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, they could learn
a
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the
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 language of the country
,
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apply
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 where they live, which has
a
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the
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 potential to strengthen their portfolio.
As a result
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, it will be less complicated to find them
work
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.
Secondly
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, providing
students
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 with an opportunity to
underdtake
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undertake
 internships in their
future
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 occupation could significantly influence
students
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' decision whether they want to
countinue
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continue
 their
cources
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courses
 or not.
For instance
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, there are a lot of bachelors
,
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apply
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who study a particular subject,
do
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but do
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 not even know what they would do in their
future
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work
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. 
Nevertheless
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, an opportunity to do a
work
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 placement is anticipated to tackle
this
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 issue.
In addition
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,
students
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 could
gain
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a
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apply
show examples
valuable practice, which can make their
future
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work
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 less complex and more
desired
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desirable
. In conclusion, providing
students
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 with studying abroad or
doing
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do
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 a
work
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 placement may involve several disadvantages.
However
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, in my opinion, the experience which they
gain
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 in these
opportuities
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opportunities
 can be worthwhile and vital.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that the good points are greater than the bad points, then name one or two bad points, such as cost, lack of places, or problems for students with family needs.
task response
Give a fuller answer to both parts of the idea: study abroad and work placement. Your points are useful, but explain why each point is more important than the possible problems.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, describe a student who learns new lab skills during a work placement, or a student who uses a new language after a year abroad.
task response
Be careful with broad claims. Not every teacher abroad is better, and not every student will learn a new language. Use words such as “may”, “can”, and “in some cases”.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body paragraphs, and an end. Keep this shape, but make the link to your main view clearer at the end of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear path: main point, explanation, example, then link back to the question. Some ideas now come very fast, such as new friends, money skills, language, and work.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” work well. Add clear links such as “This matters because…” and “Therefore, this benefit is greater than…”.
coherence and cohesion
Write a stronger final paragraph. Do not only repeat that the experience is useful; clearly say why the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view that the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
You choose relevant main ideas: learning from study abroad and gaining real work experience before choosing a future job.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • study abroad
  • work placement
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • academic knowledge
  • open-minded
  • independent
  • self-confidence
  • adapt to change
  • career chances
  • cultural understanding
  • language skills
  • financial cost
  • family responsibilities
  • compulsory
  • flexible choice
  • personal growth
  • hands-on learning
  • future employer
  • equal opportunity
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