IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In contemporary society, some citizens have come to believe that building modern tall
apartment
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blocks
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 is the most beneficial idea in order to provide enough homes in large cities. Because
this
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 development has significant benefits, including easy access for shops, markets, and schools 
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is
enviromentally-friendly
Correct your spelling
environmentally-friendly
.
Therefore
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, I absolutely agree with
this
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 notion.
Firstly
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, logging is likely to be one of the most crucial problems of our society, as a lot of animals, ecosystems, and plants lose their habitats
due to
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cutting
Correct article usage
the cutting
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 down
trees
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of trees
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. One of the main purposes of
the
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apply
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logging is constructing new buildings.
However
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, if tall
apartment
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blocks
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 are built, especially
,
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apply
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 in the
city
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centre
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, their construction has the potential to tackle
this
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 issue.
As a result
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, there will be no demand for expanding the
city
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due to
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 the construction of the apartments, as extremely tall buildings would have a sufficient number of
blocks
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 for living.
Secondly
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, a demand for easy access for schools and kindergartens in the
city
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centre
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 grows
everyday
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every day
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, because parents need to
ensure
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know
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 where their kids are and they
also
Linking Words
 want to save time.
Therefore
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, if more tall
apartment
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blocks
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 are built in the
city
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centre
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, they can significantly solve
this
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 problem, as parents' workplaces are usually located in the
city
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centre
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.
In addition
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,
this
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 solution is beneficial for everyone, as people would have
a
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apply
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direct access to markets, shops, gyms, and so on.
To conclude
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, constructing tall
apartment
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blocks
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 is the optimal path to provide enough homes in
megapolices
Correct your spelling
megapolises
, as
this
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 solution does not
affect enviroment adversely
Correct word order
adversely affect the environment
show examples
 and it has great benefits, which make individuals' lives less complicated.

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task response
Explain more fully why tall blocks are the best way, not only a good way. You could compare them with low homes, homes outside the city, or changing old buildings into homes.
task response
Your first main idea is useful, but make the link clearer: tall blocks can give homes to many people on a small piece of land, so cities do not need to grow into green areas.
task response
Add one real example. For example, you could describe a city area where tall homes are close to trains, schools, and shops. This would make your ideas stronger.
task response
Be careful with the idea that tall blocks are always good for the environment. Building them can also use a lot of energy and materials. Say that they can be better when they stop city growth into green land.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one clear main idea. Then give an explanation and an example before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not fully clear. For example, the paragraph about schools moves from parents’ needs to city-centre work places. Add a sentence to show why living near work and schools saves time.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated words such as “city centre”, “tall apartment blocks”, and “beneficial”. You can use “these homes”, “high-rise homes”, or “this plan” after the first use.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly repeats your view, but it could be stronger if it briefly restated both reasons: saving land and making daily travel easier.
task response
Your view is very clear from the start: you agree that tall homes are the best way to house more people in big cities.
task response
You give two main reasons: less need to cut down trees and easier access to daily places such as schools and shops.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “However”, “Therefore”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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