IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

`Some people think that it's good for a country's culture if people watch some imported film or TV programs while some people argue that it could be better if people watch films of their own culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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 digital era, to keep the authenticity of every ethnic is a matter of concern. With the advancement of technology, there is no boundary of
influence
Correct article usage
the influence
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 of one thing
to
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on
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 another. Saying that one
culture
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 is influenced by
other
Correct determiner usage
another
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culture
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. Some individuals argue that if people watch other serials and dramas outside their
culture
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 will be beneficial for them,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 believe that giving preference to their own
movies
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 and art will be helpful for their
nation
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's development. I will discuss both
perspective
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perspectives
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 in
this
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 essay below and will give my viewpoint in the conclusion. The new innovations and technological progress these days, not only make things easier for
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
, but
also
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 deplete their cultural and moral values.
For example
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, English is an international language
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 in
few
Correct word order
the last few
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last
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 decades, it
overpowered
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has overpowered
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 other regional and national languages. As
,
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apply
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 it becomes a native and local language around the globe that connects the world.
Therefore
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, there is no escape for any
nation
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 to restrict
their
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its
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 citizens
to not see
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from seeing
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 other
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culture's
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cultures'
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movies
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 and
artifacts
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artefacts
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.
Consequently
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, it will be favourable for their
nation
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's growth if they
foster
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encourage
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 their residents to watch outside
movies
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.
On the other hand
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,
establish
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establishing
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 a norm to support
other's
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others'
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 entertainment content is always
consider
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considered
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 a threat
for
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to
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 their own ethics and
culture
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.
This
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 is their primary responsibility to protect their
culture
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 from any
any outsource
Replace the word
outsourced
 recreational sources rather than promoting their own entertainment industry. A
nation
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recognizes
Change the spelling
recognises
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 from
their
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its
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 original and unique content, indeed western
culture
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 can have supreme power
yet
Punctuation problem
, yet
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 it can not
overpass
Verb problem
surpass
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 the
authencity
Correct your spelling
authenticity
 and attractiveness of these traditional dramas and
movies
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.
Therefore
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, some ethnic arts are
irreplacable
Correct your spelling
irreplaceable
, it can easily find a way to be popular. In conclusion, I strongly believe that both opinions
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 their own merits and demerits, yet watching
other's
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others'
show examples
 TV dramas and
movies
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 will establish
a
Correct article usage
apply
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peace and harmony among nations.
Moreover
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 , individuals get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to learn about
others's
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others'
show examples
culture
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 and tradition too.

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task response
Explain each side in a more direct way. For imported films, say clearly how they help people learn new ways of life, ideas, and languages. For local films, say clearly how they keep local history, language, and art alive.
task response
Give one clear, real example for each side. For example, foreign films may show how people live in other countries; local films may teach young people about old stories and local customs.
task response
Make your own view stronger. Your last part says imported films can bring peace, but it does not clearly say whether local or imported content should have more support. State your view in one clear sentence and explain why.
task response
Some ideas do not fully fit the question. The part about English becoming a world language is not closely linked to watching films and TV shows. Replace it with a point about film, TV, culture, or local art.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: opening; reasons for imported content; reasons for local content; your view; closing. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a clear main sentence. For example: “Watching imported films can be good because it helps people understand other cultures.” Then explain this idea and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences smoother. At times, the next sentence adds a new idea without enough explanation. Use words such as “This means”, “As a result”, and “For this reason” only when they show a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating broad words such as “culture”, “nation”, and “movies” without adding new detail. Use more exact words, such as local language, old stories, local actors, or family customs.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic and give your own view at the end.
task response
Your main idea is clear: films from other countries can help people learn about each other, while local films can keep culture safe.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening, two main body parts, and a closing.
coherence and cohesion
You use links such as “For example”, “Therefore”, and “On the other hand” to guide the reader.
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