IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that the internet is increasing the gap between the rich and poor, while others argue that it helps to reduce this gap. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
It is believed that some individuals think that the
gap
Use synonyms
 between the affluent and less affluent
people
Use synonyms
 is burgeoning because of the
internet
Use synonyms
, i contemplate
Punctuation problem
. I contend
show examples
 that it assists
to decline
Change preposition
in closing
show examples
this
Linking Words
gap
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views
along with
Linking Words
 a concluding view. On the one hand,
why
Rephrase
apply
show examples
some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is increasing the
gap
Use synonyms
 between the rich and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
Check wording
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. The main reason is having a luxurious
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. These days,
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has become a part and parcel of everyone's life.
People
Use synonyms
 are using it for both personal and professional life. Make it
more clear
Replace the word
clearer
, they use social media apps
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram, Whatspp and Facebook
for shown up
Wrong verb form
to show off
show examples
 expensive
things
Use synonyms
 and send messages to others.
Consequently
Linking Words
, these videos and photos notify
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 about
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 and fashionable
things
Use synonyms
 which are new in
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes poor
people
Use synonyms
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
feel down because they cannot afford these expensive brands and
things
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 my perspective with the help of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, the
gap
Use synonyms
 between rich and
pood
Correct your spelling
poor
people
Use synonyms
 is declining because not everyone
is thinking
Wrong verb form
thinks
show examples
 in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 way. To explain it, some
people
Use synonyms
 show sympathy towards less affluent
people
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they
also
Linking Words
 prefer to donate money or invest in
non profit
Correct your spelling
non-profit
 organisations.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
 is the best way to
aware
Replace the word
raise awareness among
 rich
people
Use synonyms
 about the situation of poor ones
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can
also
Linking Words
 send messages and do podcast for explaining their current situation and
aware them
Verb problem
raise awareness
show examples
 about their
lifestyle
Use synonyms
,
things
Use synonyms
 which are necessary for their survival.
For instance
Linking Words
, in our community, the authorities collect around 50
thousands
Check wording
thousand
show examples
 every year for the donation in non profit organisations. It is sensible
to conclude
Linking Words
 that
although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 are showing their
upgrade
Replace the word
upgraded
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 these days,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that it is not increasing the
gap
Use synonyms
 between rich and poor
people
Use synonyms
 because everyone has different views and
objective
Fix the agreement mistake
objectives
show examples
 towards
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Explain more clearly how the internet can make the gap larger in real life. Showing rich things online may make poor people feel sad, but it does not by itself make them poorer. Add ideas such as rich people having better online school, jobs, business tools, and fast internet.
task response
Develop the second view with a stronger link to the gap. Giving money is helpful, but explain how online learning, job sites, and small online work can help poor people earn more over time.
task response
Your example is too general. Say who gave the money, where it went, and how it changed the lives of poor people. Also check the number: write “50 thousand” or give the kind of money.
task response
Keep your own view the same from start to end. In the first part, say that the internet may increase the gap in some ways, but you think it can reduce it more when people can use it well.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: “One reason the internet may increase the gap is that rich people have more access to online education and jobs.” Then explain this idea step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because too many ideas are joined together. Use shorter sentences. For example, replace “Make it more clear” with “For example”.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words only when they show the right meaning. “Consequently” should show a clear result. In your first body part, first explain what rich people show online, then explain how this affects poor people.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “rich and poor people” many times. You can also use “wealthy people”, “people with less money”, “the rich”, and “the poor”.
task response
You discuss both sides and make your own view clear: the internet can help poor people through support and giving.
task response
You use an example about money given to groups that help people in need.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic link words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Consequently”, and “For instance”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital divide
  • wealth gap
  • accessibility
  • disadvantaged
  • empowerment
  • digital skills
  • online resources
  • financial disparities
  • bridging the gap
  • digital inclusion
  • economic inequality
  • equal opportunities
  • digital divide
  • information age
  • socioeconomic divide
What to do next:
Look at other essays: