IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph shows the life expectancy of people living in Asian regions from 1950 and predicts life expectancy until 2300. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line graph illustrates the recorded and expected lifespan of people living in Asian regions from 1950 up to 2300.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the life
expectancy
Use synonyms
 increased substantially in all six regions over the
years
Use synonyms
. Other
Eastern
Replace the word
East
 Asian countries register the highest total of life
expectancy
Use synonyms
 at birth over the
350
Correct word choice
350-year
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 period, compared to the other zones, which show a marginally lower expectation. Eastern Asia is expected to reach over 100
years
Use synonyms
 in 2300, from the registered 52 in 1950. Between 2000 and
2050
Punctuation problem
2050,
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 it fluctuated a small amount, but rapidly got back on its track and climbed steadily.
Similarly
Linking Words
, China is projected to have the
second highest
Correct your spelling
second-highest
 lifespan in 2300 of 98
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it registered the greatest fluctuation, from 1950 to 2040, around the
age
Use synonyms
 of 70
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Conversely
Linking Words
, in the same time
period
Add a comma
period,
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 Western Asia recorded a higher lifespan than China`s,
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of 75.
Then
Linking Words
, it is expected to climb steadily and reach a bit over 90
years
Use synonyms
 in 2300.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the other countries project the same
age
Use synonyms
 for 2300, but have a slightly different progress. India`s life
expectancy
Use synonyms
 increased gradually from 1950, when it noted an under 40
years
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 a small
fell-off
Replace the word
fall-off
also
Linking Words
 between 2000 and 2050, before reaching the expected
age
Use synonyms
 of 93 in 2300.
Similarly
Linking Words
, South-eastern Asia registered the same changes as India over the
years
Use synonyms
. On the opposite, other South-central Asian zones note a marginally smaller
age
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 over the time period than the rest of the areas, going from under 40 in 1950 to 91 in 2300.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words expectancy, years, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "marginally" was used 2 times.
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