IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Creative artists should be given the freedom to express their ideas (through words, pictures, music, or films). However, some people think the government should impose certain restrictions on them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In
this
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 modern world, Creative artists are often a subject for debate.
While
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 others, including myself, believe that the artists have their rights to choose any category to express their feelings, others argue that it should be more restrictive and more instructive with a specfic rules.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, many
people
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 demand that the government should be more restrictive about the ideas
people
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 share with others. They contend that these influence our society and lead to more difficulities to protect our communities from a negative impact.
For example
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, a teenager attends movies with smoking actors , they copy those bad attitudes, which is considered a big issue, and requied huge budget to just change the society awareness.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, many research studies found that freedom is considered the most effective way to promote health,
in addition
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,
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apply
show examples
 to providing education.
For instance
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, choosing your own word can easily improve your mindset.
For example
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, one day when I was in my duties as a nurse, i recive one patients who was always carrying without any reason. I advice himto shows us the experience he feels. After that , all the healthcare teams noticed improvement in his vital signs , and patients were discharged early from the hospital.
Conclusion
In conclusion, God give us the plants to live on whenever we feel comfortable, gives us the whole world to select the environment we like, impose
people
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 to breathe about their feelings can put
people
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 at risk, with unpredictable issues.In my view, sharing ideas with close monitoring is much better than refusing altogether.

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task response
Make your view more clear in the first part. Say if you mostly agree or mostly disagree with government limits, and keep this same view in all parts.
task response
Talk more about artists, such as writers, singers, film makers, and people who paint. The nurse story is about a patient sharing feelings, so it does not directly answer the question.
task response
Explain what limits may be needed. For example, you could say that art should not push hate, violence, or harm to children, but the government should not stop normal ideas.
task response
Build each main idea with a clear point, an explanation, and one direct example. This will make your answer feel more full and more close to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body part can be about harm to children and society. The second body part can be about why free art is important.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and hard to follow, especially in the last part. Use shorter sentences with one clear idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use "For example" twice in the same short part unless you give two different examples. Use it once, then explain the example more.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending simple and direct. Restate your view and give the main reason. Avoid bringing in new ideas about God, plants, or breathing, because they do not connect well to the question.
task response
You give a clear main view: artists should have freedom, but there can be some close watching.
task response
You try to use examples, such as films with smoking and your work as a nurse.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words, such as "On the one hand", "On the other hand", "For example", and "In conclusion".
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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