IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that price is the only consideration when buying something. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

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It is often argued that when buying something
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price
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, price
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 is the main factor.
While
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price
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 is one of the important measurements when purchasing
goods
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 and services, I do not agree with
this
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 argument. First and foremost,
quality
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 is an undeniable factor when buying something. The majority of people consider
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of
products
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 and clothes when they buy them.
Therefore
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, individuals who consider
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of items are able to contribute to reducing waste and save their personal
financial
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finances
.
For instance
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, wearing
quality
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 shoes makes a significant contribution to decrease trashes and does not need to buy new shoes often.
Consequently
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, considering
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of
product
Correct article usage
the product
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 has a positive impact on the earth.
In addition
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, the
information
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of
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on
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products
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 on the package plays a crucial role in
buying
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the buying
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 process.
Furthermore
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, customers become confused
due to
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lack
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a lack
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 of knowledge about product
such
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 as ingredients and how to use
.
Correct pronoun usage
them.
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 To cite a clear example, there are many types of shampoo in the market and
manufactures
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manufacturers
 should introduce
about
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their
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 own
products
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 clearly. Providing the
information
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 about
goods
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 can facilitate
process
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the process
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 of purchase.
Moreover
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, client are able to improve their knowledge about
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products
Check wording
product
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 ingredients and usage directions. In conclusion,
although
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price
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 is one of the undeniable factors for buying, it cannot replace other factors
such
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 as the
information
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 about
goods
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 and
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of
products
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. I firmly believe that
price
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,
quality
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 of
products
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 and the
information
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 about
goods
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 are important for customer decisions.

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task response
Explain your reasons more fully. In the quality paragraph, show clearly how buying a better item can save money over time: a good pair of shoes may cost more at first, but it lasts longer, so the buyer does not need to buy many cheap pairs.
task response
Make the second main idea stronger. Product information is important, but explain more directly why it can be more important than price. For example, a cheap shampoo may not be right for a person’s hair or skin, so the buyer should read the ingredients first.
task response
Use more exact and natural examples. Instead of saying that makers should introduce their products, say that companies should clearly show ingredients, how to use the item, and who it is for.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear line of thought in each paragraph. In the first paragraph, move from quality, to long use, to less waste, to saving money. This will make the point easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between sentences need to be clearer. For example, “Therefore” should introduce a result, but the next sentence should clearly show the result of buying good-quality items.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating broad phrases such as “buying something” and “information about goods”. Use simple but more exact words, such as “product details”, “ingredients”, “use”, and “quality”.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is clear, but make it shorter and more direct. Restate your view and name the main reasons: quality and useful product details can matter as much as, or more than, price.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start: price is important, but it is not the only thing people should think about. You also stay on the topic throughout the essay.
task response
Your main ideas about quality and product information are both relevant. The shoe example helps show why quality can matter more than a low price.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion. Linking words such as “First and foremost”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph begins with a clear main point, so the reader can understand what the paragraph will discuss.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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