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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

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This
Linking Words
 graph
chart
Check wording
apply
show examples
shows the percentage of
poplulation
Correct your spelling
population
 in four Asian countries living in
cities
Use synonyms
. It
further
Linking Words
showes
Correct your spelling
shows
 the population living in
cities
Use synonyms
 from 1970 to 2020 and
also
Linking Words
 makes predictions into the
year
Use synonyms
 2030 and 2040.
This
Linking Words
 chart shows that more and more
malaysian
Capitalize the proper name
Malaysian
show examples
 people are living in
cities
Use synonyms
. Back in the the
1970's
Punctuation problem
1970's,
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 it was only around 30%, by the
year
Use synonyms
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
show examples
 it has risen over 70%
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the estimation is that it will even
further
Linking Words
 rise to around 80% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2040. Thailand,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, had around 20% of its population living in big
cities
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 and has seen a slower rise than other countries.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the estimation predicts that only around 45% of the people will live in major
cities
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 by the
year
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of
Change preposition
apply
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2040 In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 chart indicates that all Asian countries have seen a steady increase
from
Change preposition
in the number of
show examples
 people living in the
country side to live in
Correct word order
countryside moving to
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cities, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban population
  • percentage of residents
  • live in cities
  • urbanisation rate
  • a steady increase
  • a sharp rise
  • a gradual growth
  • a significant change
  • the highest proportion
  • the lowest figure
  • overtake another country
  • remain relatively stable
  • follow a similar trend
  • experience rapid growth
  • be projected to rise
  • a predicted figure
  • by contrast
  • respectively
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