IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is an increasing trend that many parents tend to educate their children at home rather than send them to school. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

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Nowadays, more
parents
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 choose to educate their
children
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 at home rather than going to traditional
school
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.
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Firstly
Punctuation problem
Firstly,
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 we need to understand why
this
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 trend is taking off. Homeschooling allows
parents
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 to create a learning plan that matches their
child
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's pace, interets and strengths.
Children
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 can study in a quieter and safer environment, especially if they have experienced bullying or social anxiety. From my own personal experience, I got bullied at
school
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for
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this
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 reason,
I
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and I
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have been diagnosed with depressive disorder
along with
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 anxiety.
Parents
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 can give more individual attention and quickly identify gaps in their
child
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's knowledge
,
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. For
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for example
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, a
child
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 who struggles with reading can get extra support right away, rather than waiting weeks for a
school
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 assessment.
Parents
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 of autistic
children
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 can
also
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 give the specific support their
child
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 needs.
However
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,
school
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 gives
children
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 daily chances to make friends and improve their social skills, cooperate and deal with different personalities
,
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. For
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for example
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, group projects and team sports teach
children
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 how to compromise and work with others. Without trained teachers, some
parents
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 may not be able to teach difficult subjects
such
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 as science, mathematics or English
for
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to
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 non-native
.
Check wording
speakers.
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As a result
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,
children
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 may fall behind in these subjects or need extra tutoring outside the home to catch up. In conclusion, homeschooling offers flexibility and a safer learning environment for some
children
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, but it may lack the social development and subject expertise that traditional schools provide. In general,
therefore
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, the right choice depends on each
child
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's individual needs.

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task response
Give your own clear answer in the first paragraph. Say if the good points are greater than the bad points, or the other way round. At present, your ending says it depends, so your main answer is not fully clear.
task response
Add a short first paragraph before “Firstly”. It should introduce home learning and state your view. Then make the last paragraph match this view.
task response
Your personal story is strong, but it is very short and sudden. Link it more clearly to your point: home learning may help some children feel safe after bullying.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph begin with one clear main idea. For example: “One main good point of home learning is that it can fit the child’s needs.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long. Split them into two or three shorter sentences so the reader can follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer order for the good points: first learning needs, then safety, then help from parents. For the bad points: first social life, then school subjects. This will make the essay feel more planned.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid “Firstly we need to understand why this trend is taking off.” It does not directly answer the question. Start with your view instead.
task response
You give clear good and bad points about home learning. Your points about care, safety, friends, and hard school work are all linked to the question.
task response
Your examples are useful. The example about reading help and the example about group work make your ideas easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, a paragraph on good points, a paragraph on bad points, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words such as “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” to show the flow of ideas.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • home-based education
  • traditional schooling
  • tailored learning plan
  • individual attention
  • learn at their own pace
  • academic progress
  • qualified teachers
  • specialist subjects
  • social interaction
  • peer relationships
  • teamwork skills
  • social development
  • a sense of belonging
  • exposure to different viewpoints
  • experience bullying
  • emotional well-being
  • financial pressure
  • parental responsibility
  • extracurricular activities
  • outweigh the benefits
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