IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The
shown
Correct word order
first chart shown
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first
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 displays
information
Use synonyms
 about
used
Correct word order
the energy used
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energy
Use synonyms
 by multiple
appliances
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 ordinary Australian
house
Use synonyms
. The other
chart
Use synonyms
 presents
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 about the other kind of
house
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is called
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
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Greenhouse
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, there are used
Punctuation problem
. These
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gas
Use synonyms
emissions
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
result from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 use.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both charts demonstrate equally
information
Use synonyms
 about houses
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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also
Linking Words
 there
many
Verb problem
are many
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 differences in percentages. In
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
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Autralian
Correct your spelling
Australian
house
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
energy
Punctuation problem
, energy
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 is used for cooking, lighting, refrigeration, heating,
water
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 heating and for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
appliances
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. In the
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Greenhouse
Add a comma
Greenhouse,
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 it includes
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
information
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the
gas
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emissions
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. In the
first
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place
Add a comma
place,
show examples
 42% of
energy
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 used for heating and 30% for
water
Use synonyms
 heating,
while
Linking Words
 for the
Greenhouse
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 is used 32% of
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
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 for heating
water
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the other 15% is used for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
simple heating
, it
Punctuation problem
. It
show examples
 is obvious that the
Greenhouse
Use synonyms
is used
Wrong verb form
uses
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 less
energy
Use synonyms
 for
water
Use synonyms
 heating and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
heating. In the
first
Use synonyms
habitance
Add a comma
habitance,
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 the vast proportion of
energy
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 goes to heating.
Cooling
Correct article usage
The cooling
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 system is taken 2% of
energy
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 in the
first
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house
Use synonyms
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
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cooling
Correct article usage
the cooling
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sister
Check wording
system
show examples
 in the
Greenhouse
Use synonyms
 is used 3%
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is more on 1%. The
first
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 shows that 7% of
energy
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 used for refrigeration
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the second
chart
Use synonyms
 shows that
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 is used
energy
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, two
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two times more and counted
Wrong verb form
accounting
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 for 14%. Lighting is used on 1% more than in the
first
Use synonyms
Autralian
Correct your spelling
Australian
house
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 and
counted
Verb problem
accounted
show examples
 for 8%. The largest proportion of
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
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 goes to the other
appliances
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 and
counted
Wrong verb form
accounts
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 for 28%,
while
Linking Words
 in the
first
Use synonyms
house
Use synonyms
 it
is counted
Verb problem
accounts
show examples
 for 15%.
Finally
Linking Words
, it seems that the
Greenhouse
Use synonyms
is used
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 from the
gas
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emissions
Use synonyms
 better and less than the
first
Use synonyms
house
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,
Linking Words
moreover
Punctuation problem
moreover,
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 because of the saving
energy
Use synonyms
 for
water
Use synonyms
 heating
and heating
Check wording
apply
show examples
the
energy
Use synonyms
 goes to the other
appliances
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words first, chart, information, energy, appliances, house, greenhouse, gas, emissions, water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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