IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that governments should pay for education and health care, while others believe that it is not their responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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 modern era, the education and healthcare cost are being too expensive. So, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it should be paid. Others,
on the other hand
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, think these things should not be paid
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
 governments because they are always saying it is not their responsibility.
This
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 essay aims to elucidate these differing perspectives before offering my own viewpoint. Examining the former opinion, if the governments make education and healthcare free for everyone, the economy of the country will increase because the
people
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 are not going to pay for them anymore.
For instance
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, Kuwait government is offering everything that the Kuwaiti
people
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 need for free.
As a result
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, they are so happy. Considering the other argument, if they do not pay for them, some
people
Use synonyms
 will be more careful about their health through exercise, and others may have better studies because they went to the best schools. Another key point is
poor
Correct word choice
that poor
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people
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 can not pay for all these things. So, they should be helped. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to these questions. On balance,
however
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,
on
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in
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 my view
point
Punctuation problem
,
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 governments have to pay to needy families, but rich families do not need these payments.
As a result
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, it is not their responsibility to pay for education and healthcare for rich
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make each view clearer and give more reasons. In the first body part, explain why free schools and health care can help people, such as by giving all children a fair start and helping sick people get care early.
task response
Some ideas do not fully fit the point. For example, saying people may take more exercise if the state does not pay for health care does not show why the state should not pay. Use reasons like high cost for the state, higher taxes, or the choice to use private schools and care.
task response
Explain your own view in more detail. Say that the state should pay for basic schools and basic health care for all, or explain why help should only go to poor families. Then give one clear reason for this choice.
task response
The Kuwait example needs more detail. Say what free help is given and how this helps people or the country. Also, being happy alone is not enough proof that the policy works.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each body part. The second body part first talks about why the state should not pay, but then moves to why poor people should get help. Put the help for poor people in your opinion paragraph instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas more clear. For example: “However, this may cost the state a great deal of money. Therefore, some people think that only poor families should get free help.”
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the main view, which is good, but make it more direct. Do not say “there are no easy answers” unless you then explain the hard choice. End with one clear final answer.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for the main topic. Write “education and health care” often, rather than “these things” or “everything”, so the reader always knows what you mean.
task response
You discuss both sides and clearly give your own view at the end. Your main idea is that the state should help poor families, but not rich families.
task response
You use a real example from Kuwait. This makes the essay more real and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Words such as “For instance”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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