Today in many countries in order to find work people have to move away from their friends and family. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Recently, in many nations, individuals had to move away from their relatives and family in order to find jobs. In

this

essay, I will explain why the benefits of leave to earn occupation overshadow the potential drawbacks. On the one hand, living far from home could offer a few challenges.

Firstly

, those situations force

people

to think and manage their troubles independently.

Although

there are many applications nowadays which can used by them to communicate with their close friends or parents, they cannot always share their troubles all the time as their parents or colleagues have their own lives too.

Consequently

, it can be a bigger trouble in the future when

people

cannot cope with the concern alone.

Secondly

humans

need to adapt quickly to their new place. They might meet so many folks who have different perspectives.

Humans

must create a big layer of understanding from those aspects as it can bring harmony to relationships with their new friends.

On the other hand

, despite the challenges, I would argue that life outside of their home can pose more benefits. Primarily,

although

people

are forced to think alone when in trouble, it can make them better

people

. Troubles will come and go. If

people

can solve their issues in their own way, it can enhance their ability to

problem-solving

Correct your spelling

problem-solve

show examples

Thus

, can be a plus aspect of their work assessment when they find an occupation.

In addition

humans

will get freedom when they live alone. As we know, since individuals are babies, their parents will always make a law for them to describe what they can and cannot do.

Therefore

people

can do anything that they want

such

as they can playing video games all day without anyone complaining, they can choose what job they want to apply for, etc.

Finally

, living far from residence can make them to be an independent human. In conclusion,

while

living far from home can force

people

to think independently and to adapt quickly, they will have some benefits

such

as becoming a better person, doing anything that they want, and becoming independent

humans

Therefore

, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that demerits are eclipsed by the merits.

Submitted by alfathemaster on Fri May 31 2024

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task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points. This will make your argument more robust and compelling.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical structure and flow between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure your points naturally lead into each other.

coherence cohesion

Avoid repetition and try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structures. It will make your essay more engaging and readable.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your essay well.

task achievement

You address both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced perspective on the topic.

task achievement

You make a strong argument that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, and you support this argument with multiple points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

363 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Today in many countries in order to find work people have to move away from their friends and family. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that children should not watch television as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch television as it helps them in their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to increase the number of police officers on the streets. Others, however, think that other measures are needed to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Students should be completely free to choose whether to study or play games. They should be allowed to manage their own time. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

Demand for food is increasing worldwide. What are the causes of this? What measures can be international community take to make sure the supply of food is enough?

THE WORLD TODAY IS A SAFER PLACE THAN IT WAS A HUNDRED YEARS AGO, AND GOVERNMENT SHOULD STOP SPENDING LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY ON THEIR ARMED FORCES. To what extent do you agree.