IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Today, individuals have been living in the modern era, and many people struggle to get enough sleep because life has become increasingly demanding. Many folks lead hectic and restless lifestyles, and
consequently
Linking Words
, sleep deprivation has become a major problem in the contemporary world. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the effects of lack of sleep and how to manage sleep routines.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, one significant issue caused by sleep deprivation is the inability to communicate effectively with others at work. When you're part of an office staff, you may not perform your best with clients
due to
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 impaired cognitive abilities.
Additionally
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, sleep deprivation often leads to irritable and confused moods during the day.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, lack of sleep affects one's physical health. Sleep-deprived individuals often struggle to consume adequate proteins, carbohydrates, and healthy fats.
As a result
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, the body craves sweets to provide energy, often leading to weight gain and obesity.
This
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 can have detrimental effects on one's
overall
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 health.
Body paragraph 3
Although
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 these obstacles seem overwhelming, solutions to
this
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 issue are relatively simple.
Firstly
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, establish a consistent sleep schedule by going to bed and waking up at the same time daily. Aim to sleep by 9:00 p.m. during the week.
Secondly
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, consume lighter meals at night, as
this
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 promotes more restful sleep compared to fatty and junk foods.
Lastly
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, if these strategies don't yield the desired results, consider seeking help from a psychologist or medical professional who may offer alternative treatments,
such
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 as medication.
Body paragraph 4
Conclusion
Conclusion
In conclusion, many people are aware of the ways to compensate for the lack of sleep, yet many individuals continue to struggle with sleep difficulties. In my opinion, people should place great importance on obtaining quality sleep because it is essential for
overall
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 well-being.

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task response
Give more detail about each problem. For example, explain that poor sleep can cause mistakes at work, road crashes, low focus, and more stress. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Use a more direct example. You could write about a worker who sleeps only five hours, makes errors in a meeting, and then feels too tired to exercise or cook healthy food.
task response
Be careful with the idea that people who do not sleep well cannot eat enough protein, carbs, and fats. This is not fully clear. Say instead that tired people may choose sweet or fast food because they want quick energy.
task response
Make the advice more realistic. Saying everyone should sleep at 9:00 p.m. may not suit all people. Say that adults should choose a regular bedtime that allows enough sleep.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sleep loss and poor communication clearer. For example: “Because tired workers find it hard to focus and control their feelings, they may speak badly to clients or co-workers.”
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph repeats that people know what to do, but it does not add much. End by briefly restating the main problems and the best actions, such as a regular sleep time, less screen use, and medical help when needed.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. Your first body paragraph can focus on work and mood, while the second can focus on health. Then support each idea with a short explanation or example.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain problems from poor sleep and give clear ways to help people sleep better.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant, such as poor work talk, bad moods, weight gain, a set sleep time, and lighter food at night.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body paragraphs, and an ending. The order of ideas is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, including “Firstly”, “Additionally”, “Furthermore”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
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