IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malasia in the year 2010

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The pie charts illustrate the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of average household
expenditure
Use synonyms
 between
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in the period of 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the catagories are hold
small
Correct article usage
a small
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proportion
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Malaysia
Change preposition
of Malaysia
show examples
 in comparison
Use synonyms
Japan
Change preposition
to Japan
show examples
except
Punctuation problem
, except
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 housing and food.
However
Linking Words
, among all
transport
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 and food shows major
difference
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differences
show examples
 between
two
Correct article usage
the two
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country
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countries
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. The
proportion
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 of allocation in
transport
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 was at 20% in
Japan
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Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 it fell
a
Change preposition
by
show examples
 half by 10% in
Malaysia
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. The
expenditure
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of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 housing was at 21% in
Japan
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, which hold highest
proportion
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 at 34%.
However
Linking Words
, it
wast
Correct your spelling
was
 the highest percentage among all
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
 of
expenditure
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, a major change was shown in the distribution
transport
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. In
Malaysia
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, spent in housing was a slight
proportion
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 at 3% among all
segment
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segments
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 for healthcare
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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 it was double at 6% in
Japan
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. Other goods and service was nearly similar at 29% and 265, respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, Housing and
transport
Use synonyms
 made
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 difference among all
Use synonyms
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, expenditure, japan, malaysia, transport with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household expenditures
  • average
  • pie chart
  • proportion
  • income
  • spending habits
  • cultural differences
  • economic differences
  • expenditure categories
  • priorities
  • lifestyle
  • income levels
  • cost of living
  • government policies
  • trends
  • globalization
  • imported goods
  • local products
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