IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Prison is the best punishment for criminals. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is often said that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 offenders must be locked up in penitentiaries because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 crime they have committed. I believe that prison sentences serve as an appropriate deterrent for criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, we are living in modern and
well civilized
Correct your spelling
well-civilised
 societies, where
in country
Correct your spelling
in-country
 laws are deeply studied, and compared with international rules and regulations, before implementation. Public have to follow the law-and-order instructions implemented
from
Change preposition
by the
show examples
 states
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 whoever
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 failed to comply with
rule
Correct article usage
the rule
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 book must face serious consequences.
General Public
Correct determiner usage
The general public
show examples
 often do not care much
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 fine payment
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or community
services
Check wording
service
show examples
 punishment
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
; therefore
show examples
 often legal department
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
often has
show examples
 to implement strict actions. To exemplify it, in
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
show examples
 majority of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 is rich and they are not much bothered about
payment over
Replace the word
paying
 speeding ticket fines,
therefore
Linking Words
 administrations have to enforce significant jailtime on speeding violations.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, federal or provincial penitentiaries have
systematic
Correct article usage
a systematic
show examples
 and
well-organized
Change the spelling
well-organised
show examples
 structure and procedure in place for
rehabilitation
Correct article usage
the rehabilitation
show examples
 of prisoners.
Offender’s
Check wording
Offenders
show examples
 face
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of their wrongdoing, meanwhile rehabilitation process ensures that after they
release
Wrong verb form
are released
show examples
 from imprisonment, they will not repeat
such
Linking Words
 mistakes again.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of inmates
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
participate in multiple activities in trades within
facility
Correct article usage
the facility
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 not just kept them busy and increase their skill set.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Pakistan
Add a comma
Pakistan,
show examples
 many inmates work in textile and sports goods minor production works
with
Change preposition
within
show examples
 jail parameters.
Conclusion
In conclusion, reducing the crime rate or even taking it virtually
zero
Change preposition
to zero
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to be
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 priority of
policy makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
. But people have
tendency
Correct article usage
a tendency
show examples
 to go against the system of rules,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 have to ensure that
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 are proven guilty and
fast track
Wrong verb form
fast-tracked
show examples
 to prisons to face the consequences and learn from their wrongdoings.

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task response
Answer “how far” more fully. You mainly agree, but you could say that prison is not always the best answer for small or first crimes. Explain when fines, help work, or classes may work better.
task response
Make each reason more exact. For example, explain why prison stops a rich driver from speeding more than a fine does, and explain how work and training in prison can lower later crime.
task response
Be careful with very wide claims, such as saying that people will not make the same mistake again after prison. Say “may be less likely” instead, because prison does not change every person.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, focus on prison as a way to stop crime. In the second, focus on change and learning in prison.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hard to follow. Split them into two or three short sentences. For example, state the law, then state the result of breaking it, then give the example.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. Do not start too many sentences with big link words. You can also use simple links such as “because”, “so”, “however”, and “as a result” to show how ideas are connected.
task response
Your view is clear from the start: prison can stop crime and help people change. You also give two main reasons and use examples from the UAE and Pakistan.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion. Words such as “First and foremost”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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