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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that school should teach foreign language for primary school children. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Some argue that
children
Use synonyms
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 be tought foreign
language
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 from
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
show examples
 level.
Dispite
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Despite
 the fact that teaching other
language
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 beside the main
subjects
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 can lead to less
foucs
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focus
 on
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
show examples
 major
subjects
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,it helps the
offsprings
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offspring
show examples
gain
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 the
language
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 faster. I
therefore
Linking Words
belive
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believe
 that its benefits
outweight
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the
drwbacks
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drawbacks
.
Body paragraph 1
Teaching
foreign
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a foreign
show examples
language
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 can make the
children
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 lose their
ful foucs
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full focus
 on the main
subjects
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.When schools put specific
pressur
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pressure
 on
children
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 to learn other
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language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
,they will lose
their
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the
show examples
ability and energy that they should use
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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on more
improtant subjucts
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important subjects
.
For example
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, a sudy form Oxford in 2020
have
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has
show examples
 shown that
the school
Correct subject-verb agreement
schools
show examples
 that
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
 offspring more than one
language
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
their
Verb problem
have
show examples
students
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students'
show examples
 results in main
subjects
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are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 less than those who
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not study other
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language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
is mean
Wrong verb form
means
show examples
 that teaching other
langage
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languages
 can make the
children
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 drop in the primary
subjects
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 I believe the benefits of teaching
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
language
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outweight
Use the right word
outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks
Body paragraph 2
teaching
Correct determiner usage
Teaching a
show examples
 foreign
language
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 form young
age
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 can make the
child
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gain
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 the
language
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 fast.
learning
Capitalize the proper name
Learning
show examples
 the
language
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 form young
age
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 is much easier and faster than in adult life because in young
age
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 the
child
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 have stronger memory to learn languages than in
the late
Check wording
later life
show examples
age
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. For
instanse
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instance
, a study from
harfard university
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Harvard University
 in 2000 has shown that in the first 10 to 15 years of human life ,
the human
Check wording
humans
show examples
 can learn languages faster than the human being in
age
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 older than that
age
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 10 times.
Therefore
Linking Words
teaching
Punctuation problem
, teaching
show examples
 other
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language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 in primary school can help the
child
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gain
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 the
languge
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language
 easily without
stuggling
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struggling
 when he
grow
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grows
show examples
 up.
As a result
Linking Words
 of that, I believe the advantages
outweight
Use the right word
outweigh
show examples
 the
disadvntages
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disadvantages
.
Conclusion
In conclusion ,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
 teaching
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 in primary school can lead to less foucs in the main
subjects
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, it helps the
child
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gain
Use synonyms
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 more easily than in
late
Replace the word
later
 years.

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task response
Explain the bad point more fully. Say why less time for main school work may cause a real problem, and say how this problem could be made smaller.
task response
Make your examples more clear and safe. The study facts are very exact, but they are not explained. You can use a simple real-life example instead, such as a child who learns a new language through games and songs.
task response
Add one more good point, such as children being able to talk with more people, learn about other places, or have more work choices later.
task response
Keep the same key words. Use “foreign language”, “main subjects”, and “children” rather than changing often to “other language”, “offspring”, or “child”.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then explain it, give one example, and link it back to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat your view in the middle without adding a new idea. After the first body part, move straight to the next main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they show a clear link. For example, use “On the other hand” to begin the good side, and use “As a result” only after a clear cause.
coherence and cohesion
Make some long sentences into two short sentences. This will help the reader understand your ideas more easily.
task response
You give a clear view: the good points are stronger than the bad points. You also discuss both sides of the question.
task response
Your main good point is clear: young children can learn a new language more easily.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “For example”, “However”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion” to show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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