IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that school should teach foreign language for primary school children. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some argue that
children
Use synonyms
 should be tought foreign
language
Use synonyms
 from the primary level.Despite the fact that teaching other
language
Use synonyms
 beside the main
subjects
Use synonyms
 can lead to less focus on those major
subjects
Use synonyms
,it helps the offspring
Use synonyms
gain
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 the
language
Use synonyms
 faster. I
therefore
Linking Words
 believe that its benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
Teaching a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 can make the
children
Use synonyms
 lose their full focus on the main
subjects
Use synonyms
.When schools put specific pressure on
children
Use synonyms
 to learn other
languages
Use synonyms
,they will lose the ability and energy that they should use on more important
subjects
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a sudy form Oxford in 2020 has shown that schools that teach offspring more than one
language
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have students' results in main
subjects
Use synonyms
 that are less than those who do not study other
languages
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means that teaching other
languages
Use synonyms
 can
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
drop
Verb problem
to drop
show examples
 in the primary
subjects
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe the benefits of teaching a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 outweigh the drawbacks
Body paragraph 2
Teaching a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 form young
age
Use synonyms
 can make the
child
Use synonyms
gain
Use synonyms
 the
language
Use synonyms
 fast.
learning
Capitalize the proper name
Learning
show examples
 the
language
Use synonyms
 form young
age
Use synonyms
 is much easier and faster than in adult life because in young
age
Use synonyms
 the
child
Use synonyms
 have stronger memory to learn
languages
Use synonyms
 than in old
age
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study from Harvard University in 2000 has shown that in the first 10 to 15 years of human life , humans can learn
languages
Use synonyms
 faster than the human being in
age
Use synonyms
 older than that
age
Use synonyms
 10 times.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , teaching other
languages
Use synonyms
 in primary school can help the
child
Use synonyms
gain
Use synonyms
 the
language
Use synonyms
 easily without struggling when he grows up.
As a result
Linking Words
 of that, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Conclusion
In conclusion ,
although
Linking Words
 teaching a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 in primary school can lead to less foucs in the main
subjects
Use synonyms
, it helps the
child
Use synonyms
gain
Use synonyms
 a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 more easily than in later years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main ideas more fully developed. In the first main part, explain why a new language must take time away from main work. Then explain why this may or may not be a serious problem.
task response
Your examples sound like real studies, but they are not explained enough. Do not use study names, dates, or exact facts unless you are sure they are true. A simple school or child example can be safer and clearer.
task response
Show more clearly why the good side is stronger. For example, say that less time for main work can be solved by short language classes, but early language learning gives a child a long-term skill.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear idea in each paragraph. In the first main part, some lines repeat the idea of less focus. Add one new reason or result instead of saying the same point again.
coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. “However” should show a change or contrast within the same paragraph. At the end of your first main part, use a link like “Even so” or move your main view to the next paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make the start sentence more direct and clear. For example: “Although foreign language classes may reduce time for main subjects, I believe their benefits are greater because children learn languages more easily at a young age.”
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words in a clear way. Choose “foreign language”, “children”, and “main subjects”. Avoid switching often between “other language”, “offspring”, “child”, and “human being”.
task response
You give a clear answer from the start: the good points are stronger than the bad points. You also keep this view in the main part and the end.
task response
You discuss both sides. One part explains less time and energy for main school work, and the other explains why young children can learn a new language more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: start, one part on the bad side, one part on the good side, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “For example”, “However”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: