The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber-crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction

Many

people

Use synonyms

believe that the

government

Use synonyms

should take

control

Use synonyms

of the Internet to stop

cyber-crime

Correct your spelling

cybercrime

and make online spaces safer for users. I strongly agree with

this

Linking Words

statement because

government

Use synonyms

regulation can prevent illegal

activities

Use synonyms

and protect citizens from online dangers.

Body paragraph 1

To begin

Linking Words

with, many

people

Use synonyms

got scammed by clicking

unknown

Change preposition

on unknown

show examples

links or

entering

Verb problem

visiting

show examples

unknown websites,

then

Linking Words

entering

the

Correct article usage

their

show examples

personal details and their money

got

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

stolen in the end.

Government

Use synonyms

regulations can prevent society from

this

Linking Words

scamming situation. If

government

Use synonyms

officials have

power

Correct article usage

the power

show examples

control

Use synonyms

and track

people

Use synonyms

activities

Use synonyms

on online platforms.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

could easily help governments to track criminal

activities

Use synonyms

and identify them.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, granting law enforcement the power to trace suspicious online

activities

Use synonyms

makes it far easier to identify, locate, and prosecute cybercriminals who would

otherwise

Linking Words

hide behind many internet

protocols

Check wording

protocol

show examples

addresses.

Body paragraph 2

In addition

Linking Words

, social media

also

Linking Words

includes the

cyber-crime

Correct your spelling

cybercrime

issue.

For instance

Linking Words

, in

this

Linking Words

generation, large

amounts

Check wording

numbers

show examples

people

Use synonyms

are being targeted for bullying or

getting

Verb problem

apply

show examples

misunderstood

Change preposition

show examples

social media platforms. Mostly

these

Punctuation problem

, these

show examples

issues are related to teenagers and adults.

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

bullying has effects on

people

Use synonyms

's mental health, which can lead to serious health problems for humanity.

Government

Use synonyms

officials could

control

Use synonyms

the comments and

post

Correct subject-verb agreement

posts

show examples

on social networks. With

government

Use synonyms

help ,these issues might be declining and

also

Linking Words

improve communities to have better mental health.

Conclusion

summarize

Change the spelling

summarise

show examples

, I largely agree that the

government

Use synonyms

should put more effort and

control

Use synonyms

the internet

for protecting

Wrong verb form

to protect

show examples

people

Use synonyms

from cyberattacks and

cybersecurity

Verb problem

ensure cybersecurity

show examples

for humanity's safety in future generations.

apichaya4768

Aug 15, 2026

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task response

Explain your ideas more fully. In the first body part, show how a law or rule could stop a scam before money is taken. In the second body part, explain how control of posts would work and who would make the choice.

task response

Use more exact examples. For example, describe a fake bank link, a report system for harmful posts, or a case where police find a criminal through online records.

task response

Show that you understand the other side. Government control can also limit free speech or private life. Say that control should focus on illegal acts and should follow clear laws.

coherence and cohesion

Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body part moves from scams to tracking all online acts. Make the link clearer: first explain scams, then explain how police can find the people who make them.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are too long or not complete, so the meaning is hard to follow. For example, change “If government officials have power to control and track people's activities on online platforms.” to a full sentence: “If officials can track some suspicious online acts, they can find criminals more easily.”

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words only when they show a clear link. “Furthermore” and “Moreover” are used often. You can also use simple links such as “For this reason”, “As a result”, and “However”.

coherence and cohesion

Make the conclusion shorter and clearer. State your view again and name the two reasons: less online crime and safer social media.

task response

Your view is clear from the start: you agree that the government should act. You give two main reasons: stopping scams and reducing harm on social media.

task response

The essay stays on the topic and ends by restating your main view.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear shape: an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. Words such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, and “To summarize” help the reader follow your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

250 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventative measure
cybersecurity protocols
hacking
identity theft
online scams
sensitive information
critical infrastructure
privacy
freedom of expression
government overreach
censorship
international cooperation
jurisdiction
innovation
digital economy
public education campaigns
legislation
private tech companies
government surveillance
civil liberties

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