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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart illustrates the amount of hours that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists used per day to do 3 activities

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The bar chart shows the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 per day that
tourists
Use synonyms
 from four countries — China, America, Turkey and Brazil spent on three holiday activities
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 relaxing at the
beach
Use synonyms
, reading books and visiting
places
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, Chinese
tourists
Use synonyms
 spent much more
time
Use synonyms
 reading than any other group,
while
Linking Words
 the other three nationalities shared their
time
Use synonyms
 more equally.
In addition
Linking Words
,
time
Use synonyms
 spent at the
beach
Use synonyms
rise
Correct subject-verb agreement
rises
show examples
 steadily from one country to the
next,
Linking Words
and visiting
places
Use synonyms
 was the least popular activity in most cases. Chinese
tourists
Use synonyms
 spent 8
hours
Use synonyms
 a day reading, which was the highest figure on the chart.
However
Linking Words
, they spent much less
time
Use synonyms
 at the
beach
Use synonyms
 and only 1 hour visiting
places
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
beach
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 grew across the four groups, rising from 4
hours
Use synonyms
 for Americans to 5
hours
Use synonyms
 for Turkish
tourists
Use synonyms
 and reaching 6
hours
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 for Brazilians, the highest
beach
Use synonyms
 figure. Reading showed the opposite pattern, falling from 5
hours
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 among American
tourists
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 to 4
hours
Use synonyms
 for both Turkish and Brazilian visitors. Meanwhile, visiting
places
Use synonyms
 stayed low for every group. American and Turkish
tourists
Use synonyms
 both spent 3
hours
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 activity,
while
Linking Words
 Brazilians spent the least, at just 2
hours
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, tourists, beach, places, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • spent time on
  • hours per day
  • the highest figure
  • the lowest figure
  • a similar amount of time
  • more than
  • less than
  • in contrast
  • while
  • overall
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