IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

some people think that the teenager should concentrate on all subject at school . others believe that teenager should focus on subject they are best or interested in . to what extent do you agree?

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Introduction
Few
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 consider that
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 should concentrate on all subjects at
institution
Correct article usage
the institution
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 .
others beleive
Correct your spelling
Others believe
 that
teenager
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teenagers
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 should
rivet on
Verb problem
pursue
show examples
 the course in which they are interested or willing to do.I wholeheartedly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
i
Punctuation problem
. I
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 will discuss both views in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 paragraphs
Body paragraph 1
To commence with, student require to focus on
activities
Use synonyms
 which they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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 to
studied
Wrong verb form
study
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 or gain their acquaintance and skills. After the school multifarious students studied their best subject at home to complete their work
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, as
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as well as
Correct word choice
and
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 they
fell
Verb problem
felt
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 relaxed and comfortable because it
make
Wrong verb form
made
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 their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 relaxed in all
activities
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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this
Linking Words
era
Add a comma
era,
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 scholars have different aim to what they want to become in life
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they
studied
Wrong verb form
study
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 at home with
help
Correct article usage
the help
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 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 or their instructor to achieve their goal. Parents should encourage them to do practical
activities
Use synonyms
from which
Change preposition
that
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 they understand clearly.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, several human assume that they should focus on all
subject
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subjects
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 because it
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
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 their mind
as well as
Linking Words
 they have different
option
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options
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 for their future .
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the
school
Add a comma
school,
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 they learn indoor and outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
intead
Correct your spelling
instead
 of
study
Replace the word
studying
.
For instance
Linking Words
 , a student is not better in studies
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they take part in sports where they feel comfortable and
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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 to
enchance
Correct your spelling
enhance
 their knowledge and communication
skill
Check wording
skills
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 with others.
Conclusion
In conclusion , teenager must need to focus on their goal what they want to study and participate in life to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their aim.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have
several
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 number of choices if they acquire all
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
show examples

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task response
Make your main view more exact. Say that teenagers should study all subjects at a basic level, but spend extra time on subjects they enjoy or are good at. This gives a fuller answer to the question.
task response
Explain each idea more fully. For example, say how a chosen subject can help a student get a job, and how learning all subjects can give useful basic skills.
task response
Use one clear example for each main point. Your sports example is useful, but explain how it shows the value of focusing on a strong area.
task response
Keep your conclusion in line with your view. The last sentence says students should get all knowledge, which does not fully match your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences have too many ideas and are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences. For example, replace “After the school multifarious students...” with a simple sentence about students studying their best subject after school.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when the link is clear. Also use simple links such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, and “As a result” to show the order of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for key ideas. Choose “subjects” rather than changing between “subjects”, “courses”, “activities”, and “studies”, unless you mean different things.
task response
You give a clear view: you agree that teenagers should spend more time on subjects they like or do well in.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic and include an ending paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear main shape: opening, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “Furthermore”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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