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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

their future careers. Others believe that students should be allowed to study subjects they are interested in. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, learning has become more challenging for
students
Use synonyms
 in many countries around the world. Some people believe that university
students
Use synonyms
 should only
study
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 that are required
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
future
Use synonyms
 careers, and other people think that they should
study
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
that they are
show examples
 interested in.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views;
however
Linking Words
, I believe that university
students
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to
study
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 that they are interested in.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, the reason why I disagree with student
study
Use synonyms
 only subject which paper them for their
future
Use synonyms
 careers is that it puts
students
Use synonyms
 under stress.
This
Linking Words
 is because limiting their knowledge can prevent them from learning different things
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can really benefit their
future
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.
For example
Linking Words
, some
students
Use synonyms
 may focus too much on their
future
Use synonyms
, which may lead to health problems
such
Linking Words
 as stress, lack of sleep
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is harmful
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 bodies at an early age.
As a result
Linking Words
, they become worried
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they cannot enjoy their lives and face many problems.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that university
students
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to
study
Use synonyms
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 that they are interested in because
this
Linking Words
 can provide better opportunities in the
future
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they can learn new skills and gain knowledge in different fields.
This
Linking Words
 can help them find a wider range of jobs.
For instance
Linking Words
, a student who studies business can
also
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
 marketing, which can help them find more opportunities.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
students
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 who
study
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 different
subjects
Use synonyms
 in universities have a positive impact
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as an increase
opportunities jobs
Correct word order
in job opportunities
show examples
 after
graduate
Replace the word
graduation
.

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task response
Make the first view fairer and more complete. Explain why some people want students to study only career subjects, for example because these subjects can help them get a job soon and use their time well.
task response
Give a more clear example for each side. Your business and marketing example is useful, but say how these two subjects can lead to more kinds of work.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the question. Stress and sleep can be linked to the topic, but explain more clearly why career-only study causes this problem.
task response
Make the final part restate both views and your view. Write that career subjects can help with work, but students should also have the choice to study subjects they like.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. In the first body part, start with the benefit of career study, then give a reason and an example. In the second, explain the benefit of choice in the same way.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat “This is because” too often. Use other simple links such as “Also”, “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “However”.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence link clearly to the next one. For example, after saying that students can learn new skills, explain how these skills help them get more job choices.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and small missing words, as they can make links less clear. For example, write “subjects required for their future careers”, “harmful to their bodies”, and “more job opportunities after graduation”.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly. Your main idea is easy to find: students should study subjects they like.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Words such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “For example” help the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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