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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the figure of imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.

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The bar chart illustrates the number of people imprisoned in five countries—Great
Britain
Use synonyms
,
Australia
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, New Zealand, the United States and Canada—between 1930 and 1980, with
figures
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 given in thousands.
Overall
Linking Words
, the United States had the highest prison population for most of the
period
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,
while
Linking Words
 Great
Britain
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 recorded the lowest figure
initially
Linking Words
.
Although
Linking Words
 the
figures
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 for most countries fluctuated considerably, Great
Britain
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 experienced a steady
overall
Linking Words
 increase,
whereas
Linking Words
Australia
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 saw a marked decline towards the end of the
period
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. In 1930, Great
Britain
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 had the lowest number of
prisoners
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, at approximately 30,000.
This
Linking Words
 figure
then
Linking Words
 rose gradually over the following decades, reaching around 90,000 by 1980. Canada,
by contrast
Linking Words
, started at roughly 100,000
prisoners
Use synonyms
 in 1930, making it one of the countries with the highest
figures
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 at the beginning of the
period
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. Its prison population
subsequently
Linking Words
 fluctuated, falling to just under 100,000 in 1940 before ending at approximately 80,000 in 1980. The United States began with around 100,000
prisoners
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 and experienced several fluctuations over the next 50 years. Despite a decline in 1940 and another fall later in the
period
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, its figure recovered to almost 100,000 by 1980.
Australia
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 and New Zealand followed broadly similar trends until 1970, when both stood at approximately 80,000
prisoners
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.
However
Linking Words
, their
figures
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 diverged considerably in the final decade
:
Punctuation problem
;
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Australia
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's prison population fell sharply,
while
Linking Words
 New Zealand's increased.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words britain, australia, figures, period, prisoners with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerably" was used 2 times.
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