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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, technology is being widely spread. In the following years, technology will totally replace the teacher role in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
In recent years, technology has played a vital
role
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 in every aspect of our modern lives. Especially
,
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apply
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 in the education domain and classrooms. I strongly
disagreed
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disagree
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 that the robotic
teacher
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 can replace the human
teacher
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. In
this
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 essay, I will support my perspective with two real facts. Teachers can offer
role
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 models to their pupils
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as
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, as
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 well as
they are providing
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provide
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 students with motivation and discipline.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, one of the most essential parts of education acquisition is determining and defining your
role
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 models ( the person who already did what you want to do)
and
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, and
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absolutely that person is
Correct word order
that person is absolutely
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 a real
teacher
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. Some studies have found that they are clear connection between the
role
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 models and the students, who are getting knowledge faster. The reason of that accomulated experences could remove obstacles from the students' path and give them light in all the darkness they may face.
Body paragraph 2
The second key factor of getting knowledge is staying motivated and keeping your discipline on. The flexibility of a
teacher
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 can help him to analyse each student's personality alone, and
then
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 determine what each student needs to stay motivated and keep them disciplined.
This
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 feature can not be provided by digital tools.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the real
teacher
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 has been the most important part in the process of learning acquisition, as we mentioned before.
also
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 digital tools have a lot of benefits , including
:
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apply
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 offering essay accessibility to information and offering remote learning.
Thus
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,
If
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if
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 we use digital tools to support
teacher
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then
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 we will get an effective way to get knowledge.

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task response
Make your main ideas more fully shown. In the first body part, explain in more detail why a teacher is a better role model than a robot or an online tool. Give one real classroom case, such as a teacher who helps a shy student choose a job path.
task response
Your second point is useful, but it needs a clearer reason. Say how a teacher can see when a student is sad, bored, or having trouble, then change the way they teach. Also explain why technology cannot do this as well.
task response
Use examples that are clear and full. “Some studies have found” is too general because no study or case is given. It is better to give a simple example from a class or school.
task response
Keep the same view all through the essay. The ending says digital tools can help teachers, which is a good point. State clearly that this means technology should work with teachers, not take their place.
coherence and cohesion
Make the opening more direct. After the topic, give your view and name the two reasons in one clear sentence. Avoid saying that you will use “two real facts” if you do not give facts with clear details.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas inside each body part more smoothly. For example, after saying teachers are role models, explain the result for students: they can learn from the teacher’s life and feel more sure about their own goals.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the link between ideas is not clear. For example, the sentence about past experience and obstacles should say who has the experience and how it helps students.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending shorter and stronger. Restate your view, sum up the two reasons, and then add that technology is a useful tool for teachers. This will give the essay a more complete close.
task response
You give a clear view from the start: you do not think technology can take the place of teachers. Your two main ideas are easy to see: teachers can be role models, and they can give help, drive, and order to each student.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape. It has an opening, two main body parts, and an ending. Words such as “Firstly”, “The second key factor”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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