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Band 4.5

Nowadays, technology is being widely spread. In the following years, technology will totally replace the teacher role in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
In recent years, technology has become
increasingly
Correct article usage
an increasingly
show examples
 important part of our modern lives. Especially
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 in the education domain and classrooms. I strongly disagree that the robotic instructor can replace the human teacher. In
this
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 essay, I will support my perspective with two real facts. Teachers can offer
role
Use synonyms
 models to their pupils ,
as well as
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 provide students with motivation and discipline.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, one of the most essential parts of education acquisition is determining and defining your
role
Use synonyms
 models ( the person who already did what you want to do), and that person is absolutely a real
lecture
Replace the word
lecturer
.
For example
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,
teacher
Correct article usage
a teacher
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 can assist
shy
Correct article usage
a shy
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 student to choose his
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 bath. Some studies have found that they are clear connection between the
role
Use synonyms
 models and the students who are getting knowledge faster. The reason of that accomulated experences could remove obstacles from the students' path and give them light in all the darkness they may face.
Body paragraph 2
The second key factor of getting knowledge is staying motivated and keeping your discipline on. The flexibility of a teacher can help him to analyse each student's personality alone, and
then
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 determine what each student needs to stay motivated and keep them disciplined.
This
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 feature can not be provided by digital tools.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the real coach has been the most important part in the process of learning acquisition, as we mentioned before.
also
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 digital tools can play
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
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role
Use synonyms
 as
assistant
Correct article usage
an assistant
show examples
.
Thus
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, if we use digital tools to support educator
then
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 we will get an effective way to get knowledge.

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task response
Your view is clear: you disagree that technology can fully take the place of teachers. Keep this clear view in every part of the essay.
task response
Give fuller support for both main ideas. Explain more clearly how a teacher helps a shy student, and why a tool cannot do the same thing.
task response
Your example is too general. Add one short, real or clear made-up classroom example for each main point.
task response
Do not say you will use “two real facts” unless you give facts with clear details. You can say “two main reasons” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part follow one simple order: main idea, explanation, example, and short link back to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Firstly”, “For example”, “The second reason”, and “In conclusion” work well, but some links need clearer sentences after them.
coherence and cohesion
In the end, say your main view again in a direct way. Then add that technology should support teachers, not replace them.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same main view from the start to the end.
task response
The two main ideas are on-topic: teachers can guide students and help them stay motivated.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “Firstly”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” helps the reader see the main parts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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