IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Most of the individuals argue that free
time
Use synonyms
 activities for kids
shpould
Correct your spelling
should
 be
arrange
Wrong verb form
arranged
show examples
 by mom and dad ,and other's thinks that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 leave it alone to
children
Use synonyms
 to choose in their free
time
Use synonyms
. I partly agree with
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 statement,
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
parents
Use synonyms
 need
organize
Wrong verb form
to organise
show examples
 activities based on their
kids
Check wording
kids'
show examples
 interests.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
parents
Use synonyms
 need to take charge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
 and arrange
,
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 based on what they want. Some
children
Use synonyms
 like playing football and others like chess, so
parents
Use synonyms
 need to think about
area
Correct article usage
the area
show examples
 of
interst
Correct your spelling
interest
 and plan
accordingly
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
,
kid
Correct subject-verb agreement
kids
show examples
 like dance,
then
Linking Words
 mom have get
dance
Correct article usage
a dance
show examples
 teacher for classes
on
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the free period,
then
Linking Words
 both
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
the kids
show examples
 and
parents
Use synonyms
 are happy.
encrouragement
Correct your spelling
Encouragement
 is important from the
parent
Check wording
parents
show examples
 to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 something in life, most of the sportsmen and
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 became
sucessfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 because of support in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 childhood.
Conclusion
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 need to choose
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 what avery they wanna do in
free
Correct determiner usage
their free
show examples
hour
Check wording
time
show examples
, and
parents
Use synonyms
 are not allowed in
creative
Correct article usage
the creative
show examples
 space or
process
Correct article usage
the process
show examples
 of thinking. It's complete
kid
Correct subject-verb agreement
kids
show examples
 choose work on something out they own
interst
Correct your spelling
interest
. Some of the
children
Use synonyms
plans
Correct subject-verb agreement
plan
show examples
 very well in their free
time
Use synonyms

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task response
Finish the essay with a short final paragraph. State your view again: parents should guide children, but children should also have a say.
task response
Explain both views in more depth. For the parents’ view, say how plans can keep children safe and help them learn. For the children’s view, say how choice can build trust, joy, and new ideas.
task response
Make your opinion fully clear. You say you partly agree with parents, but also say parents should plan based on what children want. Explain who should make the final choice and why.
task response
Develop each example. For example, explain how dance class can help a child make friends, stay active, and grow in skill.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph for parents’ plans, one paragraph for children’s choice, and a final paragraph with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph moves from interests to dance classes to success in life. Add linking sentences to show how these ideas fit together.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words more carefully: “For example”, “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In short”. Avoid very long sentences with many commas.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because words are missing or unclear. For example, write: “Children should be free to choose what they do in their free time.” Then explain the reason in the next sentence.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view in the first part. Your examples of football, chess, and dance are clear and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear two-part shape: one paragraph about parents and one about children. Words such as “To begin with” and “On the other hand” help the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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