IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

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Introduction
In many nations, governments place a primary emphasis on driving economic development. The main advantages of
this
Linking Words
 are its
improvment
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improvement
 on the infrastructure and the creation of
nomurous
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numerous
 job
approtonities
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opportunities
.
However
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, it
also
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 carries drawbacks, including
enviromental
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environmental
 degradation and the exploitation of
labor
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labour
show examples
 rights.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, economic growth benefits
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society by enhancing the infrastructure. Because when a country
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 its GDP, it will result in allocating more funding
tworads
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towards
 crucial systems
such
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 as healthcare, education and transportation
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will
enhances
Wrong verb form
enhance
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 the quality of life for residents and attract investors and tourists, creating a cycle of
further
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 development and
prospertiy
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prosperity
, resulting in creating many job
approtinity
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opportunities
, decreasing the unemployment rate.
For instance
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, to expand its economy, Saudi Arabia invited
fornier
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foreign
 companies to relocate its Middlleast branch to Riyadh, which led them to hire many
saudies
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Saudis
 to
oparate
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operate
 in the country.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, economic expantion harm the
inviroment
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environment
 and
exploitates
Wrong verb form
exploits
show examples
workers
Check wording
workers'
show examples
 rights. As countries will have
expand
Verb problem
to expand
show examples
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 cities by
bulding
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building
 more
buldings
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buildings
, creating more roads and increasing the number of factories, harming the
wildelife
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wildlife
 and
causeing
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causing
 various types of pollution
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will worsen
enviromaltal phenonamen
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environmental phenomena
such
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 as global
worming
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warming
 and
defrostaion
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deforestation
.
Additionally
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, expanding will
also
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requires
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 hiring many
indiviuals
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individuals
 that are ready to work in harsh circumstances
such
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 as bearing heat and cold and
susbilte
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susceptible
 to
tocix
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toxic
 gases,
while
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give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 them a small
compastion
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compensation
. For
exmaple
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example
, it is
reportaed
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reported
 that around 400 workers died in a certain country
while
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 working in a
natinoal
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national
 train system.
Conclusion
In
concluion
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conclusion
, when
acountries
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countries
 grow
economicly
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economically
,
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 allocate more funding
twoards
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towards
 important
secotoes tha bebeft
Correct your spelling
sectors that benefit
 the citizen alonside creating many
jop placemnts
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job placements
,
although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that will cause serious
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environmental
 issues and may
abouse
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abuse
 many
workers
Check wording
workers'
show examples
 rights.

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task response
Explain each main point in a more direct way. For example, say how better roads, schools, and health care come from more tax money, then say how this helps people.
task response
Use examples that are clear and fully explained. In the last example, name the country or say what happened more clearly. Do not use a report if you cannot give enough detail.
task response
Make your own view clear in the ending. You can say if growth should still be a main aim, but only with rules to protect nature and workers.
coherence and cohesion
Make some long sentences shorter. Several ideas are put into one sentence, so the meaning is hard to follow. Use one main idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between cause and result. For example: "As a result," "This means that," and "However." Avoid repeating "which will" many times in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the order of ideas simple. In the first body part, discuss roads, schools, and health care first. Then discuss jobs in a new sentence or a new part.
coherence and cohesion
Check key words before you finish. Many spelling errors make the essay harder to read, such as "environment", "opportunities", "workers' rights", and "economic growth".
task response
You answer both sides of the topic. You give clear good points: more money for schools, health, and roads, and more jobs. You also explain harm to nature and poor work conditions.
task response
Your Saudi Arabia example is linked to jobs, so it helps show your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. The phrases "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" help the reader follow your view.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas in each body part stay on one main point, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • quality of life
  • standard of living
  • infrastructure development
  • employment opportunities
  • environmental impact
  • wealth disparity
  • modernization
  • sustainable development
  • Gross Domestic Product (GDP)
  • industrialization
  • ecological footprint
  • capital investment
  • urbanization
  • economic prosperity
  • fiscal policy
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